The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

Few things came in as many shapes as demons.

They resided in more than children’s nightmares. They were the denizens of the abyss. And just as the below they called home could twist and turn into a thousand grim landscapes, so too could they. 

Sometimes as slobbering horrors. Sometimes as movement in the corner of one’s eye.

And sometimes … as suspicious women wearing far too revealing a dress. 

An alluring beauty who might catch a whiff of attention were I not present.

Even the slightest of her movements were graceful. As she idly leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed, the hem of her dress, the strands of her hair and even the edges of her eyelashes all seemed to flutter as the very breeze was charmed by her beguiling smile.

I expected nothing else.

After all–even without the curled horns of an ewe which sat like decoration upon her hair, there was little mistaking her nature. 

An aura of lecherousness seeped from her like the servants fresh from a tryst far too near my bedroom tower. And just like them, she would need to depart before objects started falling around her.

“Succubus,” I said, my nose wrinkling.

Indeed.

The masquerade mask did little to hide the unnatural beauty of her face. 

It did even less for her eyes. 

They flashed with a silver hue, her irises alight like a shimmering mirror. As she offered me her undivided attention, it was with a gaze so forceful that it possessed its own weight.

A veritable banshee with flesh. Yet although she lacked either claws or fangs, neither was needed. 

Her very touch was crueler than any knife. 

A succubus didn’t leave her victims lying in a pool of blood. She left them an empty husk dryer than any vampire could achieve. Her presence alone was a slow serenade of the end as all life was drained.

And that meant compared to the vixens who inhabited my father’s court, she had quite a ways to go. 

“Succubus,” she repeated, her voice faintly amused. “The famed sirens of the depths. Demons who wear the guise of beautiful maidens. Temptresses whose words are so potent that even those who know of their nature fail to resist their charms. Me.”

She smiled as she raised a fingertip. But no spell came forth to melt me. 

Instead, she allowed a honey bee to land upon the tip of her nail. It fluttered its wings before being gently blown away. As it took off into the sunset, it swerved to and fro as though lost in a drunken stupor.

I was unimpressed.

That bee had a job. And it was more important than what any succubus was doing. 

Something I was more than willing to change.

“You appear dressed for a soirée,” I said with a nod towards her attire. “I regret you shall find no such entertainment here. But if you desire, I believe I can secure an invitation to one of the many functions held in the Granholtz Embassy. There are endless opportunities for scandals that you may cause.”

The succubus gave a modest laugh.

It might even have been a snort. But the worst of the noise was instantly muffled. An impressive feat.

“A most generous invitation,” she replied. “But one I must decline. Every soirée I avoid is a gift of fortune. Otherwise, I would be compelled to dance. And such a sight would burn to cinders the excellent reputation of my kind.”

“Truly now?” I offered a smile. “My, what a surprise. I was made to believe that every succubus was a naturally talented dancer.”

“Then the lies of my sisters have truly made their way through every crack in the stonework. Allow me to tell you the truth. We succubuses have a single talent–and that is for being utterly useless.”

“At dancing, do you mean? Or wisely pretending to admire the sunset when a princess wishes to skip by?”

“At everything.” 

The succubus gave a casual flick of her wrist. 

“Dancing, singing, poetry, painting, and most of all, cooking. I have seen more calamity caused by an attempted hotpot than by any demon prince. Pans, lids, chopping boards and knives in every direction. There are those with two left feet. But my sisters and I are gifted with two left hands and no eyes at all. We are talentless to a fault, such is the curse my kind must bear.”

I raised an eyebrow, mildly intrigued by a tidbit of knowledge none else seemed to know. 

“Is that so? … I wasn’t aware there was such a thing. What would this curse be that consigns you to such violent clumsiness?”

“Extraordinary beauty.”

“... Excuse me?” 

The succubus shrugged.

“What opportunity do we have to improve ourselves when those we hope to impress are already waiting upon their knees? When can we hope to learn when all the meals and fineries of the world are brought to us with but a thought? It is a dire existence. To be served constantly with no regard to effort. I’m certain you must know this feeling all too well, Your Highness. It must be terrible in your position. A princess pampered to her soles when all you wish is to stand upon your own two feet.”

A pause.

“O-Ohoho?!” I nodded fervently … all the while my hands immediately clasped around Coppelia’s mouth, preventing a comment which didn’t need to be said. “In … Indeed! It is a truly degrading experience!”

“I can only imagine. And I was previously stuck in a door. The stifling dullness you experience must be beyond compare.”

“Quite so! Why, to be ceaselessly seen to by every servant whenever a carefully timed cough sounds exactly when their lunch break is due to begin is both unnecessary and tiring! I … I am but a dove who wishes to spread her wings!”

The succubus nodded. She gallantly pretended not to notice as I silently bribed Coppelia with extra strudels before removing my hand.

“And how impressively you do so. Your wings spread more majestically than any raven. Or wyvern as that ridiculous elven king turned out to be. I’m grateful you removed him from his perch.”

“Well, then I expect the gratitude to continue. It was an act of charity I did for your understanding in allowing us to walk past your door. I take it you’ll also be similarly accommodating on this occasion?”

The succubus’s smile didn’t lessen.

She did, however, shift ever so slightly, her folded arms loosening.

“My apologies, dear,” she said, her voice almost giving way to a hint of actual sincerity. “But as much as I wish to humour that, my duty as a guardian of a door is different to my duties as a door, little as the distinction might be.”

“Oh? My congratulations, then. You’ve climbed the ladder.” 

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing less than what someone who delivers riddles upon demand deserves. With that said, I suggest you climb back down again. New responsibilities means new problems. And I happen to be an exceptionally difficult one. I’ve little idea how you escaped your door. But I suggest you do so again.”

“I’m afraid that escape is highly subjective. I do not play my part willingly, other than the times I meet with a wandering princess. Whether I am stuck in a door or guarding one, to stare at the same scenery all day is saved only by amusing conversation. You are thus the bright spot in my day.”

“Yes, well, I’m the bright spot in everybody’s day. Especially those who don’t bar my path.”

“Then I suppose I must endure the dimness. Regrettably, I have through poor life choices traded one cursed existence for another. An employer for another. It’s a poor acknowledgement of my situation that I consider this to be a sizable improvement.”

“I see … and who might this employer be, to make a demon matriarch a troll door guard?”

The succubus tilted her head slightly.

“I am expressly prohibited from speaking the name. My contract forbids it.”

I raised an eyebrow.

My, wasn’t this simply quaint?

I’d come here for the only person more scandalously dressed than a succubus. And now it seemed that instead of just her unique brand of calamity, I could receive all the fiery spectrum of it. 

How convenient I could douse them all at once … providing, of course, that I could first squeeze my way past a highly unorthodox door guard.

“Nnnnnnnnnnnggggghhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrr~”

Because instead of the succubus attempting to enthrall me, what I witnessed instead was the only thing which could make me take several steps back.

An unabashed yawn.

It was the battle cry of the slovenly. 

To my horror, all the accumulated reputation of her kind was swept away by the sight of her tonsils. This wasn’t the delicate yawn of a princess gently waking up in her orchard and immediately firing anybody who saw it. It was the other kind of yawn. The type krakens made when consuming a shoal of salmon.

She followed it up by clasping her hands behind her, before arching back and staring up into the sky.

Crack.

The most unflattering sound any succubus could make.

Far from the gracefulness her slight movements would suggest, her spine made a highly concerning noise as she held her new posture.

“One moment,” she said, her beguiling voice at odds with the clear note of her spine making secondary cracks. “Before we continue, please allow me to indulge. Being in a door provides few opportunities to stretch. This is my first time in 87 years.”

I was utterly horrified.

“You’ve been in this door for 87 years?” I said, looking at the plain woodwork.

“I have. Awful, no? It’s a punishment worse than the act of imprisonment itself.”

“I quite agree! Nobody deserves to be stuck in anything less than a door with a functional gargoyle head you could speak through … although I should ask what you did. Did you seduce the wrong mage?”

The succubus gave another laugh. 

This time, the snort behind it truly could be heard.

Without answering, she assumed an unflattering position as she placed her feet apart, then did her best to lean down and touch the tip of her shoes. 

She failed, her fingertips quivering with each reach. A different exercise immediately followed. Up went an arm raised above her head, followed by a stretch to the side as she began mirroring Coppelia’s instructions.

“It’s because I didn’t seduce the wrong mage that I ended up in a door,” she said at last. “This is the punishment for my failure as a succubus. But there is one benefit. And that is the feel of the grass after such a long absence.”

All of a sudden, she took a deep breath.

Then, deciding her bout of stretches were over, she kicked out her legs, lazily flinging her shoes off her feet to a scampering of movement in the nearby treeline.

But that wasn’t where it ended.

Like a princess before her orchard, she crouched down and ran her hands through the swaying grass. 

Flop.

And then still very much like a princess, she proceeded to do the same thing using her cheeks. 

The woman in her fine dress simply surrendered on the spot. 

With as little regard to her image as Coppelia before jumping onto a bed, she smothered her face into where the wild caterpillars doubtless nested in preparation for their next assault, sprawling with her limbs messily presented.

Then, she inhaled the fragrance of spring pollen.

“Ahh,” said the succubus, rolling onto her back with a satisfied smile. “The softness of real grass. A much more ticklish thing than in my memory. I can already feel a sneeze approaching.”

I was appalled.

Why, only I was allowed to judge the grass of my kingdom!

“Excuse me!” I said as I kneeled down to test the springiness at once. “Please do not rub your face in my kingdom! … Furthermore, if playing in the grass is how you seek to charm me with your demonic wiles, it will not work!”

“Hm? … Ah, no, this isn’t that at all. I really do enjoy the feel of grass.”

“Oh.”

“... Also, that really wouldn’t be possible. I’ve no interest at all in you. At all. Certainly not in that manner.”

My hands covered my mouth. I blew away a blade of grass.

“Wha–?! What do you mean you’ve no interest?! I’m … I’m a beautiful princess!”  

“Indeed, you are. One whose personality I can glean through a single glance–and what I see is somewhat more than I wish to deal with. As a result, my powers of manipulation, charm and temptation are quite limited. Please do not take this the wrong way. But I believe quite strongly that only somebody very ambitious, very optimistic or very insa … yes, very ambitious or very optimistic would deliberately seek your attention.”

“Y-You! You were just about to say something! What was it?!”

“Regardless, while I cannot enthrall you, I’ve more traditional methods at my disposal. All of which I shall regret to use. Few succubuses revel in violence. I am not one of them. And you, especially, I find deeply entertaining. But it is only through fulfilling the terms I agreed to can I be released from my contract. You know how it is.”

I pursed my lips.

“I do. And I know that every contract designed to entrap you can also be wriggled away from.”

The smile wavered from the succubus at last.

“You are correct,” she said, her words deliberate and cautious. “... Normally. But not this one.” 

She fixed her expression.

And then–

A portal wreathed in flames and shadow appeared between us.