The Simulacrum

Day seven of our vacation.

It was hard to believe that it's been almost a whole week since we came here. The weather was still perfect, the waters were still enticing, and the passage of time was as elusive as ever. As they say, time flies in good company, and I had fine company indeed.

"A tanned Dormouse is cute too," I said absently, causing the girl lying in front of me to glance over her shoulder.

"Just apply the sunscreen, please. It's a very important trope we nearly missed," Judy told me morosely, but I just smiled and picked up the tube from the sand.

"You really shouldn't treat this like a checklist," I said softly and began to spread the lotion on her back.

"Me next!" Elly chimed in and pretty much did a belly-flop next to my dear assistant on the blanket. "I want to trope too!"

"Easy there, princess." Chuckling, I squirted some of the stuff onto her back as well, and she let out a surprised yelp.

"Hauuu! It's cold!"

"Nah, it's just your skin is hot from being out in the sun all morning," I responded while kneading her back, and then returned to Judy. "You already have a healthy tan though."

"Hehe." She giggled, but then suddenly asked, "Should I unhook my top?"

"You're already having tan lines, so it doesn't matter, and I think it's best you keep in on, in case of an—"

"Chief, don't say 'emergency'. It's—"

"I know, I know, it's jinxing it. And I wasn't going to say that, anyway," I grumbled and spread the lotion on her calves."

"Don't miss my butt," Judy added, apropos of nothing, so I rolled my eyes and responded in a low voice.

"Do I ever?"

"No, Chief, this is important. Also, make sure you do the same with Elly."

"Yes! UV protection is important!" the princess chimed in, causing my other girlfriend to turn her head over and look at her with a slight frown.

"Yes, but that's not the point. We have to make sure to do the trope to the fullest, so that the Chief is less likely to get into redundant sunscreen application situations with other girls, creating UST."

"You're overthinking this. Again," I continued to grumble as I switched over to Elly, and she squirmed under my touch as I massaged the lotion into the back of her thighs.

"Ah, slow down! It tickles!"

I did as instructed and continued my previous train of thought.

"Who else would even ask me for something like this, anyway? Everyone's paired up, so there's no UST to be had with anyone."

"Except for Deus," she quipped, making my hand freeze for a moment on the small of Elly's back. Then, I turned to her again and lightly slapped my dear assistant's defenceless butt. "Ow."

"Quit it, Dormouse. I told you about what happened last night precisely so that you wouldn't have any weird misunderstandings."

"Is it a misunderstanding though?" she asked back, trying to sound provocative, but the way she was using her hands to defend her butt made her sound less than self-assured.

"Yes. If anything, Deus still sees me as Polemos, and someone completely out of his… strike zone? Yeah, let's go with 'strike zone'."

"Question," Elly interjected, extending her hand forward as if she were signalling to the teacher in the classroom. "Since the you-know-what, Angie says they're two parts of the same person, and you said Deus also says they're one, but Angie is a girl, so… Does that make Deus a 'she' now, or is he still a 'he'?"

"I have no earthly clue, and I don't really care much either," I said with a shrug and shifted over to Judy's shoulders. "They can figure it out for themselves, I'm just using whatever pronoun sounds convenient to tell them apart."

"Oh, no. The Chief said the 'p-world'. We're going to get cancelled," Judy stated, deadpan as ever, but the way she was once again defending her read told me she meant that as provocative.

"You're spending way too much time on the internet," I told her and continued to apply the sunscreen. For some reason, she clicked her tongue. What was that about?

"Maybe I should just ask them?" the princess proposed, and I let out an approving hum.

"Sounds like a plan."

"While you're there, ask them if they think the chief is hot," Judy followed me up, so I stopped rubbing her shoulders and glanced at the hands defending her buttocks again.

"Dormouse, be honest with me. Are you doing this on purpose just to see if I slap your butt again?"

"Yes," she answered shamelessly. "It's for research into your preferences."

"But if you're trying to get spanked, wouldn't that be your preference?" Elly chimed in innocently, causing my dear assistant to tense up.

"Good point, princess."

As a reward, I rubbed her nogging, and she let out a silly giggle while practically melting under my hand. Meanwhile, Judy exhaled an uncharacteristically awkward grunt, and stated, "Sometimes we all have to make personal sacrifices for science."

"Sure, sure."

In the meantime, I more or less finished lathering my girlfriends with sunscreen, and stood up. "I'll go grab a drink. Do you need something?"

"I'll need my front sunscreened too," Judy responded without any of her previous awkwardness.

"Let's do that when you're back," Elly added with just a hint of a blush. "M-Maybe that way we can make some of that 'yuu-ess-tee'?"

"Sorry, princess, but we're way past UST. We have RST."

"… What does that mean?"

"Ask Judy. I'll be right back."

With that, I turned around and headed to the stand set up at the far end of the beach. It was the same spot where Michael was trying to act like a mixologist a few days ago, and since then it morphed into a kind of beach bar, manned by volunteer Celestials a bit more versed in the trade. Of course, it also had non-alcoholic drinks and even some hot dogs and snacks. It wasn't just the stall and the menu that got expanded though, but now it also had a couple of shaded tables set up nearby, where the customers could eat and drink in peace.

It was shaping up more professional by the day, no doubt thanks to Dolion's efforts, but it also made me scratch my head. Sure, this was a proof-of-concept of the Elysium's potential tourism industry, as envisioned by the bespectacled ex-director, but creating all of this couldn't have been cheap. Not just that, but the stall was also completely free to use for us, yet hot dogs didn't grow on trees. Who was paying for all this? Was Dolion doing it out of his own pocket, was it a collaboration between the three Celestial ex-head-honchos, or was this being financed by taxpayer money?

…

Note to self: look into the Synderion's budget after this vacation is over. But putting that aside, I noticed a small group huddled together around one of the tables, and when I got closer, I was more than a little baffled by what was going on.

"I'm placing my Ancient Silverhide Hydra in attack position! His special skill allows him to attack all opponents at the same time! "

After exclaiming so, Penny dramatically slammed a sparkling card made out of some flexible mystery material onto the table, and with a flash of light, a chihuahua-sized, multi-headed white dragon popped out of it. It let out an adorable little roar as it flailed its many heads menacingly and took up a fighting pose, squaring off against the three tiny hoplite-looking fellows on the other side of the table, also hovering over similar cards.

On the left, midriff-woman, facemask-fella, hammer-lad and wetsuit-chap (aka. about half the Praetorian guards) let out excited gasps at the unfolding play. On the other side, Snowy, Abram, Lord Barnabas, and Michael were just as caught up in the 'action'.

"Oh no!" Mike, standing next to Ammy, exclaimed in genuine horror. "It's a Hasted monster that's immune to removal effects! Be careful, honeybun!"

Meanwhile, the class rep tweaked her glasses, only to then flash a menacing grin and use the same hand to grab one of her cards.

"You fool! You fell into my trap!" With that, she pulled it out and raised it high over her head. "I use Heroic Last Stand! For this combat phase, my monsters will survive with one hit point while reflecting the attacker's damage instead of their own attack value each time they're hit!"

She slammed the card onto the table, and it caused the three hoplites on her side to glow with green light and slap their shields with their spears before taking a defensive position. Then, as the tiny hydra attacked them, they each hit it back in turn, causing it to roar again and then burst into particles of light that were then sucked back into a now-dimmed card.

"Nooo! My Ancient Silverhide Hydra!" Penny wailed, but then glared at Ammy and clenched her free hand. "That does it! Now I'm angry! Take this!" She pulled out another card and showed it off. "I cast Blood Wind! By sacrificing my own health points, it causes one point of damage to all monsters on the field!"

"Ah, I see," Snowy commented from behind her, rubbing her chin with clear excitement. "Since all of her monsters only have one hit point left, it means they'll be wiped out!"

The moment Penny placed the card onto the table, a red whirlwind erupted from it that swept over Ammy's side, reducing her hoplites into colourful particles.

"Damn you!" Ammy hissed, and my sister flashed a cocky smile. "I'll get you back for this next turn!"

"Hah! You can't!" Penny continued to gleefully taunt her. "I've read all the card descriptions! I know that after using Heroic Last Stand, you can't summon any new monsters onto the field for a whole turn! Ka-ha-ha!"

It was at this point that I reached out and gently bonked her on the top of her head.

"Ow! Who dares—!" Penny glared at me, only to then shrink back at once. "A-Awawawa! B-Brother! Since when have you been here?"

"Long enough," I told her and poked her forehead. "Tone it back, Kiddo. Gloating is not very sportsmanlike."

"B-But she started it…" she whined, and when I glanced at Ammy, she conspicuously averted her eyes.

"You still shouldn't get too caught up in the moment. Play nice."

She nodded, and so I let them continue their game and turned to the rest of the group.

"Hey, son!" Dad-in-law belatedly greeted me with a grin. "Can I have a minute of your time?"

"Sure."

I walked closer to him, and he subtly pulled me into a huddle with the arch-mage.

"Listen, son. I've been talking with Barnabas here, and I think this Celestial card game might have commercial potential. Can you put us in contact with whoever made it?"

To be honest, I had absolutely no idea.  I've seen Celestials play this game, and I was vaguely aware that the Praetorian Guards sometimes engaged in it when off-duty, but since I wasn't a big fan of card games, I never paid it much attention. More importantly, what Abram just said made me tilt my head a bit.

"You think it's marketable? Where? It uses magical holograms; you can't exactly sell it to the public."

"We were mainly considering the World of Mystics," Lord Barnabas commented a tad hesitantly, which immediately told me that he was most likely just caught up in Dad-in-law's pace and was considerably less enthusiastic about the idea. "The younger Magi of the Assembly… might be interested in such a game."

"It's just a TCG, though. Aren't they dime a dozen?"

I thought that was a reasonable question, but they both looked at me funny.

"What's a 'TCG'?" Abram blurted out, and I just pointed at the cards on the table.

"That. A game where someone collects and trades cards and builds decks of various compositions to challenge other players." They were still looking at me funny. "Have you seriously never heard of this before?"

They both shook their heads, which could mean one of three things: They were either completely out of the loop, TCGs were more of a niche than I thought, or for some reason they didn't exist in the Simulacrum. Whichever the case it was, it required some looking into.

"Let's get back to this once we're back on Critias, okay?"

"Sure, but don't dally too long!" Dad-in-law warned me in a jovial voice and patted my back. "The sooner we secure the distribution rights, the sooner we can corner the market!"

"Spoken like a true businessman," I noted a touch flatly, and he grinned at me like I just gave him glowing praise. I considered the topic closed, but there was something else I was curious about. "Where's Mom-in-law and the others?"

"Oh, Eris took the missuses to some kind of fancy beauty spa kind of place. I think."

"Sir Arnwald and Mr. Sennoma are in the company of Mr. Mensah," the dark-skinned arch-mage followed him up.

"They were talking about guns or something." Abram shrugged. "It's not really my world, so I came to have a drink instead, and that's when I noticed the…"

"Wait, can we go back a bit? What was that about Savir?"

"Your Celestial friend? Why, she's been getting along with the womenfolk quite well!" Dad-in-law said with a hearty chuckle, making me frown.

"First off, she's not my 'friend'. Secondly, didn't I specifically tell you that you shouldn't trust her as far as you can throw her?"

"Don't worry, son! I can throw people really far!"

Seeing my happy-go-lucky father-in-law grin at me while completely missing the point made me want to facepalm, but I resisted the urge and let out a shallow sigh instead.

"Never mind. I'll look into it later."

Just as I said that, there was a big commotion at the table, with one of the off-duty Praetorian Guards yelling, "Wow! Such an amazing counter-play!"

Ignoring them, I decided that it was as good an opportunity as any to cut this talk short, as the girls were still waiting for me and the drinks. They didn't specifically ask for any, but as a good boyfriend, it was my job to read between the lines. I bid my farewells to these two and headed to the bar, doggedly ignoring the overblown excitement radiating from the table over yonder.

It was only when the girls' fancy mocktails (and my considerably less fancy plain soda) were placed in front of me that I became aware of someone approaching me.

"What's up, sis?" I asked the moment Snowy stopped next to me. "Is the game over?

"No, I just came over to see if you need help carrying these."

It took me some effort not to immediately start rubbing her cute little noggin, but I held back and just smiled.

"Thanks, I think I can use the help, actually."

I picked up the two fancy cocktail glasses, while she carried my drink, and it was only after we were a good distance away from the stall and the unfolding card battle of epic proportions that I slowed down to a crawl and turned to her.

"So? What do you want to talk about?"

"… Was it that obvious?" she asked back, and when I nodded, she looked almost disappointed.

"Is there a problem? Is anyone bothering you?"

"N-No, nothing like that." She hastily shook her head and glanced over her shoulder. "You know, I was a little worried about coming here, but the people of Elysium are really nice."

"You mean, the common folk," I guessed. "Like the people we met at the fair."

"Y-Yes, them too, but everyone else here is also really friendly. I-I mean, I already met Mr Jaakobah and Mr Androcles in school, and the other guards too, but none of the Celestials looked at me funny, even though I'm from the Abyss."

"To be fair, you're also my little sister. That supersedes everything else," I jested, but she looked at me one hundred percent seriously.

"That's… one of the things I wanted to talk about," she started, sounding a bit less poised than before. "I've… kept my ears open, and I've heard those three— those directors you warned us about, talk about something happening in the Abyss, involving Noir, and…"

"Oh, great," I grumbled and glared at the sky, lacking an actual target to direct my annoyance at. "I suppose I'll have to dress them down, again."

"I-It wasn't their fault. I was just trying to do what Percival told me…" She must've been talking about the clandestine lessons she was taking on skullduggery from the old bastard.

"Are you worried about what's going on in the Abyss?"

"Yes. I mean, no. I mean…" She floundered for a bit, then let out a defeated moan. "I'm just… It's just… What if Noir tries to take me back again?"

"I'd like to see him try."

"No, I'm serious!" Snowy pleaded. "What if he actually tries?"

"Then I'll stop him."

"But you're now the leader of Elysium. And the Draconic Federation, too. If you fight him, it won't be just a personal conflict; it could lead to war!"

I remained silent for a few steps, then stopped and gestured for her to turn to me. She did so, and then I handed over one of the drinks in my hands to her. She was confused for a moment, but only until I used the newly freed-up hand to tousle her hair.

"Listen up, Snowy. I generally consider wars to be a terrible, unjustifiable thing, whether they're fought over land, power, resources, or old grudges. However, if it's about protecting my little sister from her abusive dick of a biological brother, I'll make an exception." I let that sink in, but then the atmosphere was getting a bit too heavy, so I jovially added, "Also, it's not like I'll have to drag the whole world into this. If he pisses me off enough, I'll just throw him into the sun, or something."

"I… can't decide if you're joking, or serious."

"That's the point. Keep 'em guessing," I said with a wink, and Snowy was just about to smile, even giggle a bit, when we were both startled by an impact at our side.

"Leo! Listen, I have a new idea!" Angie exclaimed the moment her soles hit the ground, and when I frowned at her, she uttered a confused, "What?"

"Do you mind? We were having a nice brother/sister bonding moment here! Geez!"

"O-Oh, sorry…" She muttered, but then she suddenly held out her racket and exclaimed, "But since it's already gone, can you listen to me?"

By the by, she was wearing something resembling her tennis practice outfit and holding what looked like a plain (if unusually large) and faintly glowing Badminton racket.

"So, you know, the new Skyminton balls work great, but it's kind of lame that there's only one ball in play," she chattered on, completely ignoring my continued frown. "I was thinking, could we add extra balls for added challenge? Ones that fly on their own and target people, so that the other players would have to something to do, defending the player focusing on the main ball?"

"That's a…"

"And then, I had this even better idea!" she cut me off, clearly too excited to notice my mounting disapproval. "You see, what if we also added floating rings as goalposts? So instead of trying to score by making the other team miss the main ball, you could earn points by hitting the ball into the rings!"

"It sounds like…"

"But then! But then I had and even even better idea! You see, we could then add another ball that would be super-fast and fly around on its own, and the team that manages to hit it would get a whole lot of points, and then—"

"Stop! You're going to get us sued for patent violation if you keep this up!" I burst out, finally managing to get a word in.

"Come on, buddy! Don't be like that!" Angie sidled up to me and repeatedly patted me on the back. When she saw that it didn't work, she then immediately changed tactics and used the sad-puppy-in-the-rain stare instead. "Pwetty pwease?"

"… You know that you're in forehead-flicking range, right?"

The moment that came up, she immediately jumped back and stuck out her tongue.

"Boo! You're a meanie!"

And with that, she flashed her wings again and took into the air, flying backwards while making childish gestures at me. The messiah of the Elysium and all Celestials, everyone.

Anyhow, I turned back to Snowy, whose head was still under my palm.

"Sorry, sis. Where were we?"

"Mm. It doesn't matter." She looked up at me and flashed a brilliant smile. "I'm not worried anymore."

"That's good." I gave her head one last good rub, just for good measure, and took back the cocktail glass from her. "Was that the only thing bothering you?"

"Um… N-No, actually," she whispered as we started walking again, and after a long beat, she told me, "I'm worried about Tajana."

"You mean, right now, or in general?"

She blinked at me and gave my question a lot of thought.

"In… general? Because if there's a war, she's also going to be targeted by Noir, but unlike me, she's not part of the family, and… I guess right now too, because I haven't seen her in a while."

I couldn't say that she was wrong, but her worry felt a bit misplaced. While she indeed wasn't part of our family, Tajana was already considered to be something of a big sister, or maybe older-cousin type figure for Snowy, so I treated her as a VIP. I even had Roland and the Fauns look after her, so there was no chance in hell that anything could happen to her unless she did something monumentally stupid. Which wasn't entirely off the table, but I doubted she'd have the opportunity with so many eyes on her.

Still, if it would put my Abyssal sister at ease…

"Do you want me to take you home and say hi to her?"

"Y-You really don't need to…"

"I was planning to go there and pick up some… um… stuff, and taking you along wouldn't be a bother."

I wasn't lying, though telling her that I needed to make a trip because I was running low on contraceptives would've been inappropriate. After some thinking, Snowy ultimately nodded.

"All right. Let's deliver these to the girls, and then we'll make a quick round trip, and…" I got that far, but when I reflexively did a Far Glance at them, my feet stopped. "A moment."

I didn't wait for her to respond, but instead I closed my eyes, and my point of view was fully flung back to Critias. More precisely, my house. Even more precisely, my bathroom, where two people, dressed only in their underwear, were busying themselves while conspicuously trying to avoid eye contact. Roland was shaving his chin with mechanical motions, while Tajana was brushing her long, damp hair, standing side by side in front of the mirror over the sink.

"This was a one-time thing," Roland stated blandly, and the startled Abyssal nearly dropped her hairbrush.

"Y-Y-Yes, obviously!" she stuttered, her face red as a tomato.

"Nobody has to know about this."

"R-Right! You… You mustn't tell My Lady about it!"

"She was obviously part of the category 'nobody'," the man scoffed and washed his razor under the running water of the sink. "You also better not tell Leonard."

"W-Why would I even want to!?" she burst out, and this time she did manage to drop her hairbrush.

Roland reflexively reached after it, and so did she, so instead of catching it, their fingers touched in the air. They both froze up and pulled their hands back like they just touched the hot stove.

"Don't get any… strange ideas, just because of what happened last night," Roland spoke, sounding uncharacteristically flustered.

"W-What are you talking about!? If anyone should say that, it's m-me!" Tajana yelped, taking a step back. "D-Don't try to take advantage of me because of what happened in… in a moment of weakness!"

"A moment of weakness, you say? Weren't you the one who started it?"

"B-But I never thought you would… I mean…" She hid her face behind her hands and let out a pitiful whine. "Uuu… We can't let anyone learn about this!"

"I thought we already agreed on that." Roland responded blandly, but then he subtly glanced at the mortified woman and added, "Also, for your information, I would never take advantage of a lady, so you can rest assured."

"A-Are you telling me I'm not a 'lady'?"

"No, I'm saying the exact opposite."

"Then why did you take advantage of me last night?"

"Me? You were the one who…!"

And so on and so forth and… Geez. I would've liked to say that I didn't see that coming, but I literally warned Sir Roland about something like this, so I washed my hands of this whole thing. They're both adults, so I was sure they will work it out with each other.

"S-Stop looking at me with those lecherous eyes!"

"I'm not, and if you're so bothered, why don't you put on some clothes?"

"I-I'm not bothered! You're bothered! You put on some clothes!"

"Who's bothered by what now?"

"I-I-I don't know! Just please, don't look at me!"

…

Or maybe not.

I returned to my body and opened my eyes with a shallow sigh.

"On second thought, how about we visit tomorrow? I think Tajana and Roland are a bit busy today."

"Oh. Okay," Snowy responded, none the wiser of the development unfolding back home. I wish I was unaware as well, but what could I do at this point? There's always something, wasn't there?