Chapter 51
"Aah, today... I'm going to sleep in Hephaestus' room. Ru, Rubia, you're sleeping alone."
Ah.
Is this what it feels like to get hit in the back of the head with a hammer?
No. No, it's not.
I know because I've been hit before.
It's less than that.
Even when I was beaten by monsters far stronger than humans, the shock now was worse.
My arms torn, my legs broken. Even when my intestines spilled out, my powerful mental strength held out. But it crumbled with one sentence from that little girl.
A flash of light appeared in front of my eyes. Severe dizziness hit, and my legs gave out.
In an instant, my vision lowered. A cold sensation enveloped my butt.
"U-Unni...?"
I heard Hephaestus' flustered voice.
Hephaestus. Hephaestus. Hephaestus...?
"In Hephaestus'... room... alone? At night, to... sleep...?"
Hephaestus said he loved his master. His master, Yuria, is a woman. Noah is also a woman.
But Hephaestus showed an insane love for Yuria.
I don’t think Hephaestus would do anything... terrible to Noah.
Hephaestus isn’t that kind of person.
"Th-Then... Rubia...?"
Noah, sitting in the chair, was hesitantly walking toward me.
She's cute. So cute.
Could Hephaestus really endure that sight?
I remembered how Noah looked when she was fast asleep.
She was so cute.
Her soft breathing was cute. The way her fingers twitched in her sleep was cute. Her toes curling up tightly were cute.
Even after seeing Noah like that. He can endure it...?
My head turned involuntarily. My eyes met Hephaestus'.
I saw his expression, soaked in confusion.
"Unnies... should we just sleep together, the three of us?"
The three of us?
"Eh...? B-but... today... Mmm- mmm!"
Hephaestus quickly covered Noah's mouth.
"It's a shame about the room charge, but... let's sleep together tonight! And tomorrow... we'll start the greatsword forging, so the two of you can stay alone. Right?"
Tomorrow. Noah without her greatsword.
Just the two of us.
"It... will probably take at least two days. I'll be at the blacksmith all day until bedtime."
All day.
"Eh...? It really takes two days...?"
"Yeah. I got the materials, and I also found a blacksmith willing to lend their shop, but the facilities aren't ideal, so it might take a while."
The blood began to circulate through my body. I barely held onto the thread of my sanity.
I quietly stood up from my seat and shook off my butt.
"I'm sorry. I made a fool of myself."
My voice, now calm and gentle, flowed out.
"U-Unni... you're bleeding?"
"It's just a small cut. It's fine."
"No, it's... so much blood..."
I looked down where Hephaestus was pointing.
The area near my ankle was torn, and blood was flowing down.
As I recognized the wound, pain started to set in.
But it was only for a moment.
Thanks to holding onto my sanity, the wound healed in an instant.
"See? It's fine, right?"
"Ah, yes...?"
"Mm... Ru, Rubia... are you really okay...?"
Behind a flustered Hephaestus, Noah carefully approached.
"Ah, yes. I'm fine. I'm sorry for worrying you. Shall we finish our meal first?"
"Y-yes... And... as Hephaestus said, we'll... sleep together tonight... I'm... sorry..."
Noah's hand fidgeted, slowly reaching out.
"No, it's my fault. Noah doesn't need to apologize."
I gently pulled my hand back.
Noah shuddered slightly at that motion.
"Let's finish eating quickly and sleep, shall we? We don't know about us, but Hephaestus will be very busy tomorrow."
"...Ah, okay..."
Noah's hand, which had been hovering in the air, moved toward her chest.
"Let's go, Unnies! Let's eat quickly before it gets cold!"
Noah, awkwardly standing, hesitated before returning to her seat.
Sorry, but... it can't be helped right now.
After finishing dinner and washing up, we all settled into bed.
I was on the left, Noah in the middle, and Hephaestus on the right.
The bed was small for the three of us to sleep on, but since Noah was small, it wasn't too bad.
"Unnies, good night! I'll be leaving early tomorrow, so don't be surprised when Noah's greatsword is gone!"
"Mmm... But really, two days?"
"Yeah, if someone else were doing it, it would probably take at least five days."
"Ew... okay..."
"Hehe... You can look forward to it. I'll make the sword that’s most comfortable for you to wield."
Noah nodded her head. Her swaying hair tickled my arm.
"Ru, Rubia... sleep well too."
Noah, hesitating, turned her body and looked at me.
"Yes. Noah, sleep well too."
I smiled lightly and closed my eyes.
A little while later, Hephaestus fell asleep first. Then Noah fell asleep after a long while.
But I couldn't fall asleep.
I carefully rose from the bed and walked toward the window.
The cold morning air, reminiscent of my hair color, brushed my nose.
"Sigh..."
I thought of Noah's words from earlier.
Thinking back, it wasn’t that shocking of a statement.
It was just a simple... "I'm angry, so I don't want to sleep with you. I'll sleep somewhere else."
A very simple statement.
But... why did I react so strongly?
Why did such clingy emotions swirl in my head?
Why... did those emotions fade when she said we’d be alone?
It’s a feeling hard to explain. If I had to pin it down, maybe it’s obsession...
It’s different from the feelings I had for my younger sibling. But it’s too much for a friend to feel.
Why...?
Was it because she was the first friend to show me her true feelings? Or because I felt a sense of kinship?
Or maybe, because she became my landmark...?
I don't know.
But one thing's for sure. That clingy feeling made Noah uncomfortable.
Hephaestus said Noah might be afraid of being abandoned by me.
But... is that it?
If it’s not that...
Rather than Noah worrying about being abandoned by me, Shouldn’t I be worried about being abandoned by Noah?
If I made it so uncomfortable for Noah, if I made her angry, It wouldn't be surprising if she left me.
Even if I want to confirm Noah's true feelings...
Noah, being endlessly kind, would never give me a response that would hurt me.
And the thought of making her worry... makes it something I can bear on my own.
But... then, when Noah hugs me first... What... what emotion does she have when she does that?
She grabs my hand first. She gets angry when she sees me hurt. She says she'll protect me for life. Noah, who lifted me when I was falling apart.
She cried, gagged, and even killed the person who attacked me...
What emotions does she have...?
I don't know. It's complicated.
I’ve never had a friend before. I’ve always been the revered priestess.
I don’t understand people's true feelings.
I don’t know how to read someone’s true heart.
And... my own feelings. I don’t understand where these clingy feelings came from either.
I turned my head and looked at Noah, who was peacefully sleeping.
If you are reading this translation anywhere other than Novelight.net or SilkRoadTL, it has been stolen.
Since the bed was small and I had moved the greatsword, she was hugging my pillow tightly, and it was so cute. Her small body looked even smaller curled up like that. The way she furrowed her brow as she mumbled the hair that had gone into her mouth was adorable.
I slowly walked over and pulled the hair out of Noah's mouth.
Then, I gently patted her head.
Noah's now-relaxed face brought a warm smile to my face.
But in a corner of my heart... That clingy feeling stirred.
I remembered what Hephaestus had said.
He asked if I liked Noah.
Not as a friend or companion, but if I loved her.
It’s not funny.
The love I’ve seen and heard about is sweet, soft, ticklish, warm... that kind of emotion.
It couldn’t possibly be this clingy, gross feeling.
I don’t understand my feelings. I don’t understand Noah’s feelings either.
So...
I think I need to keep some distance.
I need to sort out my thoughts and emotions.
It may not be the right answer. It might turn out to be an irreversible mistake.
It’s terrifying.
But it can’t be helped.
I might unknowingly let these clingy emotions slip out again.
That might ruin my relationship with Noah.
Just a little... I want to be with her more.
I fixed the hair that was tickling Noah’s face. I wiped away the drool that had been on her lips.
Then I also lay down on my bed and closed my eyes.
But.
I couldn’t fall asleep until everyone woke up.
When I opened my eyes, the greatsword was, as expected, gone.
And... Rubia wasn’t next to me.
Even after quite a while.
Even after I made it obvious that I was awake, she didn’t come to my side.
"Ru... Rubia?"
There was no answer.
Clearly... I could hear her breathing...
"Rubia...!"
"...Ahem... Yes?"
I heard Rubia’s voice from a distance as the desk creaked.
The distance... was far.
"Uhm... oh... it's nothing."
"Tell me if you need anything, anytime."
"...Okay."
Rubia seemed strange.
Why... why is she so far away...?
Normally... she'd be right next to me.
Did I make her that angry yesterday...?
Hmm...
Without thinking, my hand went to my waist. But since it was empty, it hovered in the air.
"Ugh... Rubia."
"Yes?"
I wanted to ask for her hand...
But after getting so angry yesterday and saying I wouldn’t sleep with her, now calling out to Rubia because my greatsword is gone... she'd definitely feel uncomfortable, right?
Yeah... I’d feel uncomfortable too...
"Ah... it’s nothing."
Again, silence lingered.
Through that silence, I could hear Rubia's even breathing and the noisy voices of people outside the window.
This wasn't something that happened just recently.
Something... feels off.
I pulled the blanket up to my neck.
Hugging my pillow.
Still... something feels lacking.
I reached out and grabbed the pillow that had been in Rubia’s spot.
I buried my face in the pillow that smelled like Rubia.
But, I couldn’t feel Rubia's warmth.
Just a little. Just a little. It felt lonely.
It’s funny that I’m doing this now...
I want Rubia to hug me.
So that I can feel our heartbeats, tightly, with no gaps.
Even though I can’t see, So all my senses can feel Rubia.
Hug me.
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