The Art of Gold Digging

Ch.24- Exhausted.

Friday. One day before entering the Eastern Wing.

Amy woke up before dawn, her eyes opening to darkness.

She brushed the dampness from her cheeks with trembling fingers, trying to process the nightmare that had jolted her awake.

The fragments of the dream clung to her, refusing to let go—her mother's voice calling her name from somewhere unreachable and that overwhelming feeling of weakness.

[Good morning,] Libris greeted from the nightstand. [You're up early.]

She barely noticed the voice as she sat up, her muscles aching from days of overexertion. With a wince, she stretched, trying to work out the stiffness in her limbs before standing.

She moved through the darkness—half-asleep and half-aware—navigating her room without problem despite the reduced vision; it had barely been a little more than a week, yet she felt like she already knew this place like the back of her hand.

Teeth brushed. Uniform donned. Book packed. It only took a few minutes for her to finish her routine and get ready to leave.

[You should eat something,] Libris commented as she went to the exit.

"I don't have time," she muttered, her hand reaching the doorknob. "I want to get additional training before classes start."

[You'll regret exercising with your stomach empty, I assure you.]

Amy paused, staring at the door for several seconds, debating whether to just go or—

Her stomach answered for her. A loud growl blasted her thoughts, so intense it seemed to come straight from a predator. For a moment, she half-expected it to keep going forever.

When it finally died down, a heavy, uncomfortable silence settled in its place.

[Well, that settles it,] Libris declared, piercing the quiet.

"Ughhh, I'll do it later. Right now I need—"

Her stomach growled once again, as if protesting at her protest. This time, though, it was somehow even louder and managed to last up to thirty seconds.

Amy glared at her belly, wondering if punching it would make it shut up. But eventually she just sighed, releasing the doorknob and turning back.

"Fine."

She went to grab something to eat, but the book suddenly floated up from her satchel and blocked her path.

[Wait a second,] it said as a soft golden glow began to emanate from it.

The glow intensified, bathing the room in warm light. Amy shielded her eyes as the brightness peaked, then faded. When she lowered her hand, there on her desk sat a perfectly round pizza, steam rising from its surface.

[Tadaaa!]

"Pizza…?" She blinked in disbelief, approaching the desk slowly.

[Yup. An entire pizza for you to eat alone, fatty.]

“Is this even breakfast food…?”

[The universe doesn't categorize sustenance by the arbitrary divisions of our day. Food is energy, and energy knows no schedule.]

“What?”

[What I mean is: who cares? You gonna eat or nah?]

Amy stared at the pizza. The melted cheese glistened in the darkness, and the aroma of basil and tomato sauce filled the room.

She only managed to resist for a single second before grabbing a slice. The cheese stretched in perfect strings as she lifted it to her mouth.

She took a bite, and before she even realized it, the first slice had disappeared. By the time her mind caught up to what had just happened, she had already sat down on a chair and gone for a second slice and then a third.

A few minutes later, she finished consuming the last slice. She wiped her hands and mouth on a napkin; her stomach was full, and she felt satiated.

[Well?]

"...Thanks," her voice came out quietly.

[You're welcome.]

She stood up and put Libris in her satchel once again. "We've wasted enough time. Let's go."

[I wouldn't consider ensuring you don't pass out as wasting time, but as you wish.]

***

The Academy grounds were quiet in the pre-dawn light, most students still asleep in their beds.

The cool morning air nipped at her cheeks, helping to wake her up and clear the last remnants of sleep from her mind. The nightmare was fading now, but that voice—her mother's voice—still lingered at the edges of her thoughts.

It has been a while since I had that nightmare.

[Do you want to talk about it?] Libris suddenly asked.

Amy's steps faltered. It took her a second to compose her face. "About what?"

[The thing that's been bothering you.]

Her jaw tightened. She quickened her pace, eyes fixed straight ahead on the path to the training grounds. "It's nothing."

[...I see.]

The silence stretched between them as they approached the hall of elements. After several uncomfortable minutes, Amy let out a small sigh.

"I just need to train. That helps... clear my head," she finally said.

[Very well. Just remember to pace yourself.]

The tension in Amy's shoulders eased slightly. She appreciated that Libris didn't push, didn't demand explanations. The book seemed to understand that some things—especially those related to one's past—were better left alone.

It had been years since the incident that provoked her father's divorce. She had already overcome it. She only needed time to clear her head, and it would be alright; she had been doing fine until now, and she would be back to doing fine in a few hours.

Time. That's the only thing she needed, nothing more.

After a few more minutes of walking, she finally reached the hall. The place was empty just as she'd hoped.

She changed into her gym clothes in the changing room then set her satchel down and began her now-familiar warm-up routine. The jumping jacks and stretches that had left her gasping just days ago were now a little more manageable—a small victory, but one she'd take.

Her training started with laps around the hall's perimeter. When fatigue began to pull at her muscles, she pushed harder, ignoring the burning sensation in her lungs and the increasing pain in her legs.

By the time she finished her fourth lap, sweat soaked her clothes, and her breaths came in controlled pants. She wanted to collapse, but now wasn't the time.

Without pausing, she moved to the spirit archway, pulling out her focus stone. The crystal glowed at her touch, responding to her energy almost instantly. She channeled magic through it in pulses, creating small barriers that shimmered in the air for seconds before dissolving.

[Your control has improved significantly,] Libris noted after her fifteenth successful barrier. [Your mastery is level 6 already. I'm impressed, really.]

"Still not enough," Amy replied, her voice flat. She redoubled her efforts, the crystal's glow intensifying as she pushed more energy through it.

After an hour of continuous magical exercises, she returned to physical training, this time with light weights. Her arms trembled as she completed her third set of repetitions.

"Just... a few... more," she whispered to herself, forcing her trembling limbs to complete the motion. Sweat dripped from her forehead, stinging her eyes, but she blinked it away and continued.

When she finally set the weights down, she staggered slightly before catching herself. Without pausing to rest, she drew her focus stone out once more.

This time, something felt different. The crystal pulsed with a stronger light, resonating with her energy in a way it hadn't before. As she channeled her magic, the barriers she created seemed more solid– more defined.

[Your mastery has increased to level 7. Congratulations.]

Amy paused, looking at the crystal in her hand. "I see. Do you think I can cast buffs now?"

[Yes, but I don't recommend doing it right after—]

"Good." Amy closed her eyes. She concentrated on speed, imagining the energy racing through her veins, just like the book she had read in the library explained.

For several seconds, nothing happened. Then a faint golden aura began to shimmer around her limbs. It was weak, flickering, and almost transparent, but it was there.

A sudden and almost imperceptible rush of power surged through her, and she gasped as her muscles tensed; it was a little painful but manageable.

Without thinking, she stood up and sprinted toward the far end of the hall. Halfway toward her destination—four seconds after she started—the buff faded, leaving her dizzy and breathless.

[Remember when I said 'pace yourself' less than two hours ago?]

"I'm fine," she muttered, more to herself than to Libris. Her breath came in ragged gasps, her lungs burning as if she'd inhaled fire.

[Clearly. This is exactly what 'fine' looks like.]

She wanted to argue, to push herself back up and continue training, but her body refused to cooperate. The room tilted around her, and she reluctantly lowered herself to sit on the cool floor, leaning her back against the nearest wall.

"Just... need a minute," she said between labored breaths.

[Take several,] Libris advised. The book floated from her satchel and hovered near her face. [Your magical reserves are depleted, and your physical condition isn't much better. Pushing further would be counterproductive.]

Amy closed her eyes, letting her head rest against the wall. The cool stone felt good against her overheated skin.

The silence stretched between them, broken only by her gradually steadying breaths. As her heart rate slowed, the aches in her muscles became more pronounced. She winced as she shifted position.

[Water?] Libris offered after a few minutes.

Amy opened her eyes to see a glass materializing in the air before her, suspended by Libris's magic.

She accepted it gratefully, draining half the glass in one long drink. The water soothed her parched throat, and she held the cool glass against her forehead for a moment before taking another sip.

After a few minutes of silence, Amy's breathing had steadied, though the ache in her muscles remained. She stared absently at the half-empty glass in her hands, watching the way the light caught in the water.

"What's the point of all this...?" she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper.

[The point of what?]

Amy's fingers tightened around the glass, knuckles whitening. Her jaw worked back and forth, teeth grinding together before she answered.

"This." She gestured vaguely at the training hall, at herself, at everything around her. The movement was jerky, almost violent. "All this effort... I train until my muscles scream, until I can barely stand. And for what? I'm still weak. Still... pathetic…"

She set the glass down with more force than necessary, water sloshing over the rim and onto her fingers. She didn't seem to notice.

"I've been trying my damn hardest every single fucking day since I arrived here. Every. Single. Day. And what do I have to show for it? Level 7."

[You're being too hard on yourself. Your progress has been—]

"Don't," Amy cut in sharply, her head snapping up to glare at the floating book. "Just... don't. Don't tell me my progress has been remarkable or impressive or whatever other empty platitude you were about to offer. It doesn't matter how fast I'm learning if it's not fast enough."

She drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Her fingers curled into her palms, nails digging into the flesh. Small marks appeared– white at first before flushing red.

"...first Elias dies because I wasn't strong enough to save him." Her voice dropped to a near-whisper, strained and tight. "And now... Now I'm seeing my parents again in those nightmares. The same ones I thought I'd finally put behind me... It's like I can't ever catch a break..."

[...]

"I thought I was past all that, Libris. I really thought so... But here it all is again, haunting me just when I need to be focused. Just when I can't afford these distractions... And for what?" The words burst from her, too loud in the empty hall. She slammed a fist against the floor, the sound echoing. "Why am I even here? I don't fucking deserve to be here! If only that shitty, petty Goddess..."

Her chest heaved with each breath, the rapid rise and fall visible beneath her sweat-dampened shirt. A vein pulsed at her temple, blue against her skin.

[You are right; you don't deserve this.]

"Oh, you think so?" Amy's voice took on a mocking edge. Her lips curled back from her teeth in what could technically be called a smile, but it held no warmth. "I seem to remember you calling her 'generous' not too long ago. Even said that she 'saved you.' Don't think I forgot." She dragged out the word "generous," stretching it, distorting it.

Libris was silent for a long moment. When it finally spoke, its voice was unnervingly calm. [I stand by what I said. From a purely analytical standpoint, we should consider ourselves fortunate.]

"Fortunate?" Amy's eyebrows shot up. She stared at the book as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

[Yes. She could have simply eliminated us both. Instead, she chose a path that allowed for mutual benefit.]

"Benefit?" She smiled at the book, though her eyes were completely cold. "Let me guess the trade: she gets entertainment, and we don't die."

[Yes.]

Amy's mocking smile froze then slowly faded. She had expected denial, perhaps a lecture about gratitude or perspective. Not... agreement.

"What?" she finally managed, her voice suddenly small.

[You asked if the trade was her entertainment for our lives. That's an accurate assessment, if somewhat reductive. Gods rarely act without purpose and rarely give without taking. Entertainment, as you put it, is certainly part of what she gains.]

It took more than a few seconds for her brain to catch up to the words Libris just uttered, and when it did, a torrent of emotions began knocking at her consciousness.

"Are you saying that this is just entertainment for her...?" Her voice had dropped to barely above a whisper, the anger suddenly replaced by something colder, more horrified.

[Is it really that surprising?]

“I…”

[The divine often operates on multiple levels of purpose, so we can never be sure of its true intentions. But yes, that's what I believe; we are entertainment.]

Silence ensured its words, followed by laughter.

Amy laughed, a hollow sound that echoed in the empty hall. She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her own torso, trying to physically hold herself together as the laughter shook her frame.

"That's... that's just perfect, isn't it?" she finally managed between gulps of air. Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes.

She was quiet for a long time after that, staring at her hands as they lay in her lap. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, the rhythm gradually slowing.

"I'm so tired, Libris," she whispered after the long silence. "So damn tired of all of this. Of carrying all this... I just want to crawl into bed and rot there—sleep and never wake up. But I can't even do that, because when it's quiet, when there's nothing to distract me... All I can do is think. And thinking is the last thing I want to do right now..."

[...]

“I don't wanna see my father, even if it's only an illusion… I don’t want to see that piece of shit, good for nothing, alcoholic… I don’t wanna become like him…”

[...]

“I’m scared, Libris; not only of seeing him, but also of seeing the version of me that hurt him and drove him away. The same version of me that went from the popular girl at school to a shut-in not even her mother could make eye contact with.”

[...]

“…so many mistakes I keep committing, and I can’t stop doing. Elias was only the most recent one of a long list of mistakes… Maybe my existence was one. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just... broken. If there's some fundamental piece missing inside me that everyone else has... I don't know. Whatever it is that makes other people able to succeed…”

Libris shifted, the familiar hum that usually preceded its responses filling the room. But instead of the calm, measured voice Amy had come to rely on, there was only hesitation.

[I…] it finally began, its voice in that robotic tint, [I'm sorry. I wish I could help you more than I am.]

Amy looked at the book, her eyes red-rimmed and tired. She reached out with trembling fingers and touched the cover lightly.

"I know," she whispered, letting her head fall back against the wall. Her shoulders slumped as the last of her energy seemed to seep away. "I know you would."

The morning light was beginning to filter through the high windows of the training hall. Soon, other students would arrive, but for now, she didn't need to worry about that.

She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on her. When she spoke again, her voice was barely audible.

"I'm just so tired..."