Stray Cat Strut

Chapter Forty-Three - Right in Front of my OSHA Handbook?

"Oh, so you don't like not having power?

Well golly gee fuck, maybe you shouldn't have stopped investing in infrastructure then!"

--President of United Grid Power, 2039

***

"Okay, so," I said, mostly to fill time as I got my thoughts in order. "You know how you and the kid have been clearing the building out floor-by-floor, farming points, killing aliens and all that?"

"Yes," Hedgehog said.

"Right, well, that's cool and all, but we think that there's a good chance that the aliens are more clever than we think and that they'll mess you up if you continue doing as you have. They're kinda good at that, and they don't usually care about, uh, structural damage, or collapsing buildings onto their own heads."

Hedgehog reached up, tugged his hood back, then peeled the front of his helmet off and up, letting it rest above his head thanks to a clever pair of little hinges. "I see. Yes, that does seem to fit within the Antithesis modus operandi. We might have been lax in our safety procedures."

I blinked. "You're okay with that?"

"It'll mean changing our own method of operation. We should push harder, hit the main body of the hive, clear it out, then continue our exploration and extermination mission."

"Oh, uh, yeah, that's exactly right," I said. "If you want help, I'm here. I guess Nya too. She's a pretty old samurai. But like, if you wanna do it on your own, that's cool too. No pressure. Just reach out if you think you need it."

"Of course," he said.

I didn't expect things to be resolved so easily. Hedgehog moved and talked and acted like he had a reinforced rod up his backside, but... yeah. "I guess that doing this is how it's supposed to be done?" I asked.

"I like to do things by the book," Hedgehog said.

"Have you ever even read a book?" Rac asked me.

I flashed her my middle finger. "Don't get snooty with me, brat, I know where you live."

"On the streets?" Rac asked with a cocksure little grin. I saw her eye flick over to Gros Baton though. Oh yeah, she wanted his approval for her silly joke.

Girl had a crush. Was it that he was a samurai? Or was it his charmingly dismissive attitude? Or did Rac just have a thing for boys with accents? If so, she could have picked a better accent than Quebecois.

I was halfway tempted to stick my nose in that, but... well, Gros Baton was a good kid, probably. I figured if he was chosen as a Samurai, then he wasn't half bad, and what I knew of him supported that.

"Alright, uh, well, thanks for not being an asshole about it," I said.

"Did you expect me to?" Hedgehog asked.

"No?" I tried. "Anyway! It's not something that's a huge hurry, right? You guys can probably take a day or so to reach the hive and mess it up without worrying too much."

"I don't know," Gros Baton said. "Thirteen percent is a lot. What's your AI gotta say if we go down, does it drop or go up?"

I can answer that. If they descend more aggressively, the percentage drops by two point one eight percent to four point six percent depending on the level of aggression, and the overall rate of increase, as in, increase over the next twenty-four to seventy-two hours, decreases.

"Huh. Okay, Myalis says that if you go down nowish, it drops by two to four ish percent, depending on how hard you hit them."

If you leave the premises, the chances of full structural collapse decreases by six percent.

I blinked. "Wait, what?"

Catherine... bombs are not good for structural integrity. And there's a high chance that several of your plans involve using warmechs within a confined space.

I mean, yes, I was thinking on how to bring my new mech down and into the elevator shaft, but that didn't mean I was gonna... my plan B was to insert it tactically through an exterior wall. Exterior walls weren't load-bearing, right? It would have been fine.

"What's wrong, nya?" Nya asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing, Myalis was just saying something. It's not important. Anyway!" I clapped my hands. "I think that's it for me and Nya? I'll leave you boys to it?"

"You don't want to stay to reap a share of the rewards?" Hedgehog asked.

"I mean, more points is nice, but I think I can find my own source of aliens to stomp if I look hard enough, and at the moment, more wouldn't help anything? I'm basically just saving up for a few big toys at this point. Best to let you two, uh... not to sound rude, but play catch-up."

"I appreciate it," Hedgehog said with a nod. "Seeing as we have a bit of time, I think I'll take a few hours to eat, shower, and rest. Gros Baton, would you be willing to dive down at 2100 hours?"

"Ouien, j'vais être pret," Gros Baton said. "Tu reste?" That last was aimed at Rac.

The girl shrugged. "I guess I could stay. Not for too long, I've got other shit to do."

"Cool," he said.

"Cool," she replied.

I looked at Nya, and for a moment, there was understanding between us. "Okay, so, you have fun, Hedgehog," I said. "See ya!"

"Thanks," he replied rather dryly. "I'll keep an eye on the ki--I mean, on these two. Make sure they take their Seven-proof pills and don't wander into a trap."

"Thanks man, I appreciate it. Rac, if you need a ride or anything, lemme know." I resisted the urge to embarrass her by dropping into a spiel about safe sex or something, but it was a near thing.

As the somewhat technical parent figure to a lot of brats, I reserved the right to humiliate them at my leisure.

With a nod to the elevator, and a few more goodbyes, Nya and I headed out. The ride up was quiet... for about thirty seconds before Nya opened her mouth. "They're cute, nya!"

"Urgh. I don't know what it is that's in the water these days, but it looks like I keep running into disgusting romantic shit at every turn. First Gom and Franny, now this."

"Nya knows what you mean. It's the post-disaster, ah... I think the English word is 'horny.'"

"The what?" I asked.

Nya grinned. "There was a big danger, and lots of people thought they were going to die. Now they want to make lots of babies. It's stupid human brain stuff."

That... made some sort of sense. I sure felt a certain way after a long day of fighting and nearly dying, and spending extra time with Lucy doing... destressing activities helped a lot. With New Montreal hit by an incursion then the global one, I could see how that would escalate.

"Great," I said before rubbing my eyes. "Baby fever. It'll combine fantastically with all the PTSD going around."

"It's human, nya," Nya said. "Which is why it's better to be a superior cat."

The elevator dinged before I had to figure out a way to respond to that. I was pretty sure cats had baby fever too, and... maybe could get PTSD? I wasn't sure about that second one, and I was also not sure I wanted to find out.

The elevator doors slid open, letting in some musky, warm air. The lighting was somehow worse now than before, some of the emergency lights having gone off. Damn, the building really was falling apart.

I stepped out and stretched my arms. "You know, the one good thing is that I got to meet both Gros Baton and Hedgehog in one evening. That'll free up time later."

"Are there a lot more little ronin to meet?" Nya asked.

"Not that many," I said. "Tankette, and Princess. Knight too, if she counts. She'll be with Princess, probably."

"Knight?" Nya asked.

"Uh, Princess' sister. Big sister. Normal human, like everyone else, but she's geared up like a samurai and keeps Princess safe."

"Princess is a very cute name for a ronin. Is she a teeny-tiny oujou-sama type?"

"I don't know what that means," I said.

"Does she laugh like 'oh ho ho ho!"

I blinked. "No? I don't think so? She's just a kid. Like, sixteen at most? Bit young to be a samurai, honestly. Uh, I had history with her dad, which makes things awkward."

"Oh, what kind?" Nya asked.

"Shot him on live TV," I said.

That actually surprised Nya enough to keep quiet for a few steps. "Nya finds you more and more interesting, Stray Cat!"

"Thanks. I aim to be as interesting as possible. Maybe we can visit Tankette first. She's a mom, so she might be around your age."

"Urgh. Mean kitty!"

***

A note from RavensDagger

Very late chappy.

The epigraph is a hint~