Second Hand Waitress

"Kira, I care about you, but sometimes you make things so difficult," Becky said with frustration. "I can’t have a conversation with you when you’re like this. I can’t sit here and listen to you blame yourself for things that weren’t in your control. Eat your food and tell me how things are going with Jake."

Kira pulled a face, the sudden change in topic only making her feel worse.

"That bad, huh?"

"Having him around can be exhausting," she admitted. And now, with everything going on, it was only going to get worse. Jake was so wrapped up in himself that he hadn’t even noticed how unwell she had been lately. Kira knew she used to be just as selfish as he was, but at least she had changed. She had learned that the world didn’t revolve around her. Jake, at thirty-two, still hadn’t figured that out, and she doubted he ever would.

"Have you thought about asking him to move out?" Becky asked carefully.

"He has nowhere else to go."

"Kira, you have to think about yourself sometimes," Becky pointed out.

Kira scoffed. "I spent most of my life only thinking about myself, and it hurt the people I loved. When I think back to how I treated my grandparents and Lexi, how much they sacrificed for me while I took it all for granted, I feel so ashamed. When you met Lexi, he was taking care of my grandparents all the time, only taking breaks for his studies. He used to beg me to come home, to visit them, but I never did. I was always too busy, too caught up in my own life. I made excuses because I didn’t want to deal with their constant disapproval. I always felt like I could never do anything right in their eyes.

"So I stayed away, leaving everything to Lexi. I only went back toward the end. And by then, they were so old, so sick… but they were happy just to see me. They didn’t blame me. They were just so grateful that I had finally come. And that made me feel even worse. I had spent all those years resenting them when all they ever wanted was for me to be happy. I can’t go back to being that selfish person. Jake was there for me after my accident, and I won’t abandon him when he needs me."

Becky reached across the table and squeezed Kira’s hand. They sat in silence for a while before Becky shifted the conversation to her and Lexi’s upcoming anniversary and the dress she was thinking of buying. It was a welcome distraction, but Kira couldn’t shake the weight of her thoughts.

When she got home, Kira went straight to her bedroom, pushed a pile of clothes off the bed, and curled up in the center of it, trying to make herself as small as possible. She rested a hand on her stomach, pressing gently as if trying to feel something—some proof of the tiny life that had already changed everything. But there was nothing to feel yet.

At almost eight weeks—according to the information Dr. Klein had given her—the baby was no bigger than a kidney bean but was already developing tiny webbed fingers, toes, and eyelids. It was alive and moving, even if she couldn’t feel it. She wiped her face and realized she was crying. Her baby was alive. It needed her. It depended on her for food, for oxygen, for everything. She couldn’t bring herself to end that tiny life.

Just like that, the decision was made.

If she had been younger, maybe she would have chosen differently. But she was twenty-seven now, and no matter how much she had dreamed of going back to baking professionally, that career was no longer a reality for her. She was no longer the selfish Kira she used to be. She still didn’t know if she would raise the baby herself or choose adoption, but at least one part of the decision was made. She had time to figure out the rest. She still doubted she would be a good mother, but there were so many women out there who would love the chance to raise a child.

Kira fell asleep holding onto that hopeful thought.

When she woke up a few hours later, the evening light was fading. Without hesitation, she picked up her phone and called Becky.

"I’ve decided to have the baby," she said.

"I know that wasn’t an easy decision, but Lexi, your friends, and I are all here for you," Becky assured her, her voice warm and comforting.

"How do I tell Lexi?" Kira asked, dreading the conversation.

"Your cousin loves you. He’ll understand," Becky said teasingly.

"He’s going to be so disappointed."

"He’ll get over it."

"I should just go see him now. It’s better to get it over with," Kira decided.

"No. We’ll come to you," Becky said firmly. "I don’t want you driving while you’re this distracted." Before Kira could protest, Becky hung up.