Return of the Runebound Professor

You have got to be kidding me.

Unfortunately, the smug grin on Revin’s lips made it abundantly clear that he was not joking. He was an Apostle. Or, as he’d just said, a former one.

Noah fought to keep his eye from twitching. The more he thought about it, the more this actually made sense. He hadn’t met that many apostles… but of the ones he had, rationality did seem to be a somewhat lacking trait.

Garina was probably the sanest of the lot so far. And that was saying a lot. Even if she wasn’t running around attacking people for no reason, there was no part of Noah that actually trusted her to be fully logical.

It wasn’t even because she was a nutter like Revin. The Apostles simply operated on a different power level than everyone in the kingdom. Their motives were completely different. And when someone’s motives were indecipherable, then all the actions they took would be completely impossible to predict. That made them dangerous.

It was a lesson that Noah had taken — and continued to take — to heart.

“You’re a former Apostle? That’s… lovely,” Noah said, in a tone that made it abundantly clear that he thought anything but.

I’m actually pretty sure that, on average, I’ve eaten more god than most people, but I think I’ll save that particular little fact for when it can really wipe the smile off Revin’s smug face. No point wasting a good line, after all.

“Tell me about it,” Garina said. Sarcasm dripped from her words. “I’m thrilled to share a title, even if it’s a former one, with Revin. We all are. He’s such a fascinating creature. Decras taking a liking to him was definitely a good move. One that we all supported wholeheartedly.”

Garina couldn’t have been any drier if she’d wanted to. The completely bare malice in her eyes made her opinion of Revin abundantly clear. He probably would have withered up on the spot and died from her glare alone if such a thing were possible.

“I missed you too,” Revin said, clapping Garina on the shoulder. “It’s been too long. We should get tea sometime.”

“I’d rather rip my throat out.”

“I get that answer a lot,” Revin said, letting his hand slip away and shaking his head with a sad sigh. “You have to be careful with these jokes, Garina. You could hurt someone’s feelings. What if I thought you were being serious?”

“I am. Completely and utterly. I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life. If it was to the gods themselves, I would swear it upon my soul.”

“Aren’t her acting skills impressive?” Revin asked, turning an eye to Noah and arching an eyebrow. “Worthy of applause, I’d say. But you don’t seem too surprised. Perhaps you’ve seen them in action before?”

A trill of warning ran down Noah’s spine. As with most things that Revin said, there was a chance that there was more than one meaning to his words.

Is he implying he knows that Garina is pretending to be teaching me? But why would he even care? He said he was an ex-Apostle. They must have kicked him out for something. Can’t say I blame them, though.

“Why don’t you just cut to the chase, Revin?” Garina asked. “I’m not in a patient mood today.”

“Oh, do you have something better to do than speaking with your old friend?” Revin clutched at his chest. “How hurtful. Have you found a companion you like more than me? How inconceiva—”

“Yes.”

Revin blinked. Genuine surprise passed over his features. “What?”

His gaze flicked down to the wrapper of the sandwich in Garina’s hands, then raised back to meet hers.

Wasn’t Garina trying to hide that? I can’t imagine it’s going to be good for Ferdinand’s health if the Apostles find out about him. They just seem like the kind of group to be real shitty about that.

I’m missing something about Revin and Garina’s dynamic… but what?

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“Well, I’ll be,” Revin said. “Congradulations. Never would have thought, given how much of a—”

“Revin,” Garina ground out. “My patience is thin.”

Revin blew out an exasperated sigh. “You’re never any fun, but I suppose you did give me something interesting today. Very well. The amount of chaos in this world has increased. I trust you know something about it?”

“I may,” Garina allowed. “What does that have to do with all of this? Why are you here? And why do you know my student?”

“Your student?” Revin let out a bark of laughter. “Oh, I doubt that. I don’t smell your stench on him, but dogs are always protective of their toys. How interesting. No matter. This was just a quick stop I made. Two birds with one stone, per say. I needed to deliver Tillian to Vermil so they could handle something for me.”

“I didn’t agree to handle anything other than the extinction of chaos,” Tillian said sharply. “There is no debt between us.”

“Oh, sure, sure. But Vermil will help, and you will help because you need his help,” Revin said with a dismissive wave before turning back to Garina. “And I’m going to need you to tell me everything you know about the encroachment of chaos. I rather like things as they are. Can’t have some idiot breaking them.”

“You want me to work with you?” Garina crossed her arms in front of her chest and shifted her weight to one hip. “Did you fall down a flight of stairs this morning? There are six other Apostles I’d choose to go to for help before I even considered asking you.”

“Which is why I’m asking,” Revin said. “There’s a scale of cool, you know.”

“What?” Garina stared at him. “What does that have to do with—”

“I’m so glad you asked.” Revin raised a finger into the air. “People who think they are cool but are actually painfully lame — those people can’t ask for help. They have to protect their image, because their strength is nothing but. It is merely a mask they hide behind. People like that are not truly cool.”

“Revin. Stop blithering and—”

“But people who are truly cool don’t have to hide or protect their egos,” Revin said, completely ignoring Garina. “We are confident in ourselves and know that our image will not be shattered by asking for aid.”

“People who are cool don’t have to tell other people that they’re cool,” Eline grumbled.

“They do when they deal with blithering incompetents all the time,” Revin said. “Now, Garina, I do believe you could use some help with this situation. Have you suddenly mended your relationship with the other Apostles? Somehow, I doubt that. And if you haven’t… can you really refuse me?”

Garina grimaced. She hesitated for several long seconds before letting out a defeated sigh. With a face like she’d bit into a particularly sour lemon, she inclined her head. “I… may be able to accept some assistance. I’d prefer to avoid making this a bigger deal than it has to be. Getting the Prophet involved would be problematic.”

“Fantastic. I knew you’d come around,” Revin said, clapping his hands together. “I’m certain this experience will be entirely enjoyable and not infuriating in the slightest. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to focus completely on something. This should be a fun mental exercise. Good to keep the years from pilling up, you know.”

“Anything your brain could have lost has probably long since been lost,” Garina said. “You may as well give up on that.”

Revin let out a snort of laughter. “Glad to see you’ve kept your sense of humor. The Apostles don’t tend to like that. Bunch of stiff pricks. Wouldn’t know a joke if it punched them in the chin. Maybe I’ll bring that up the next time I’m misfortunate enough to run into one.”

“If they could hate you any more, I’d suggest against it.” Garina pinched the bridge of her nose. It looked like she had a pretty bad headache building up. “But as things stand now… it probably wouldn’t make a difference.”

“I feel like I may regret asking this,” Noah said slowly. “But if you were an Apostle, what did you do to get kicked out?”

“Some would argue that I quit, but don’t tell that to the Apostles,” Revin said, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “We’ll go with the first — incorrect — theory. I got kicked out after I took a bite of their god. Who would have thought?”

That stupid ass title he gave was serious? He actually ate a part of a god?

Noah’s spine prickled as a thought struck him. Pieces of a puzzle that he hadn’t even realized he was building slammed together in a split instant.

The Apostles served Decras. And if Revin had taken a bite out of Decras…

He’s got a Rune like Sunder. Goddamn it. Revin is like me.

A hand fell on Noah’s shoulder. It was Revin’s. The man had moved and his eyes hadn’t even registered the motion.

“You’ll do your part, yes?” Revin asked, ripping Noah from his thoughts.

“That depends,” Noah replied suspiciously. “I won’t do anything that endangers my students. Their safety is my first priority. And to be totally honest, I don’t fully understand what it is you and Garina are talking about.”

“That’s perfect. Exactly what I wanted to hear.” Revin patted him on the shoulder. “Thank you.”

“What? But I didn’t…”

“Shall we, Garina? Time’s wasting. Don’t want to spend longer on this than we have to,” Revin said as he walked over to stand beside Garina.

“You haven’t said what you want from us,” Noah said.

“Oh, wasn’t it obvious?” Revin’s lips twitched upward in amusement. “I want him to do what he does best. Babysit the Inquisitor and Elmer for me, would you? Maybe teach her something while you’re at it.”

“Eline! My name is…” Eline trailed off, the words dying on her lips.

Revin and Garina were already gone.

It seemed Noah had a new student.