Merchant Crab

With a limp and a pained expression, the fighter in the sleeveless vest made his way around the pond as quickly as his injured leg allowed him. His face was dirty and sweaty, as was his hair, clumped together in unruly strands. As he got closer, Balthazar noticed several scratch marks on the leather of his armor.

Oof, that guy went through the wringer. The crab thought as he stepped out of his bazaar.

Following close behind their leader were the other members of the adventurer party. The one in magical robes appeared to be in even worse shape, one of her sleeves completely ripped to shreds and the hat she was wearing before now missing. She held one arm around her ribs, while the other was slung over the ranger’s shoulders, who was helping her slowly move forward.

The fourth member of their group, a big, burly man whom Balthazar had figured to be their damage tank, came last, a few paces behind the two girls. He stumbled as he walked, gaze darting repeatedly over his shoulder. His face, pale as chalk, bore an addled expression, and his jaw hung slack.

“What in cakes happened to you all?!” the merchant asked as the party leader reached him and leaned down with hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“That… That dungeon!” the adventurer said between labored breaths. “You… You didn’t warn us it was going to be like that!”

“Like what?!” Balthazar exclaimed.

The young man gasped and panted. “W-water.”

“Alright, alright, come inside,” said the crab, gesturing for him and the others to enter the gazebo.

“Here you go,” he said, pouring some water into the cup and offering it to the human.

“Thanks,” the eager adventurer said before raising the cup to his lips and drinking in deep, thirsty gulps.

“That’ll be 3 gold coins, please,” Balthazar said plainly.

“What??” exclaimed the fighter as he brought the container back down.

“One gold for the water, and two for the cup,” the merchant added.

“But…” said the human, looking down at the crude piece of shaped clay. “I don’t even want to keep the cup. I just wanted water!”

Balthazar shrugged. “You already put your mouth on it. You can’t really expect me to sell a cup with someone’s slobber all over it, can you? I’m a serious and reputable merchant.”

“We lost our money pouch in the dungeon!” the ranger girl said as she helped the mage sit down on a bench. “We had to flee before we could get it back, and now we don’t have any coin left.”

The robed girl winced and let out a small cry as her body bent to sit. Seeing the concern from her ranger friend, she raised a hand weakly. “It’s alright. Just a few ribs.”

“Heh,” said the crab. “Usually adventurers go into dungeons to come out richer, not to come out even more broke. You guys must not be very good at this whole dungeon diving stuff.”

“It wasn’t our fault!” the party leader exclaimed. “We had no idea what we were walking into!”

Balthazar hopped down from his seat and started rummaging through a crate of bottles.

“Isn’t that just an adventurer’s daily routine? Anyway, what happened in there? You guys tripped on your shoelaces and spilled your inventories in the dark?”

“No,” the fighter said, leaning against the counter with the somber expression of someone who was about to engage in a meandering and drawn-out flashback. “It all started when—”

“Alright!” the crab interrupted, lifting a pincer in a halting gesture. “We all got other things to do today, so no cutaway to your own little point of view of the events, mister… whatever your name is. Give me the streamlined version, please.”

“Skeletons,” said the burly one, who was still at the back of the bazaar, staring out of the door at the dungeon tunnel on the other side of the pond, as if expecting something to come out. “That’s what happened.”

“So?” said Balthazar, walking around his counter with a glass bottle full of a red liquid in his pincer. “Skeletons are par for the course for adventurers. Hell, the first dungeon after you leave Star Beach is full of them.” He paused and looked around at the four humans with a hint of concern in his beady eyes. “I mean… or so I’ve heard. Not like I’ve ever been there. Or know anyone from there.”

“Not like this,” the party’s tank said in a gruff voice, turning his gaze to face the crab’s, two dark circles under his eyes giving him the look of a haunted man. “These skeletons were… spooky.”

The merchant grimaced with contempt. “As opposed to all other skeletons who are… what?”

“What he means is that these undead were actually a threat,” the ranger said. “He’s used to smashing through their bones like twigs, but for the first time today, our big damage sponge over there felt like he was being served more than he could take.”

“Hmm, I see,” Balthazar said as he gave the potion bottle to the ranger. “Give her half now and the rest in ten minutes.”

“Than—Ow! Thanks…” the mage girl said, struggling to get the words out as she clutched her bruised ribs with one hand. With the other, she reached for her neck and took off the amulet she was wearing, offering it to the crab.

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“Nah,” the merchant said, waving a dismissive pincer at the surprised girl and skittering back to the counter. “Injured adventurers mean fewer active clients for me. Anyway, why couldn’t you handle these dumb skeletons? You guys don’t seem that incompetent at smacking things.”

“Their levels,” the magical user said after taking a sip from the health potion. “These skeletons were way above our levels. We didn’t stand a chance.”

“All of our hits did nothing to them,” the sleeveless fighter added. “But one single swipe from one of those shamblers and, well… you can see.”

Balthazar glanced around at each one of their sorry states. “Huh…”

“This doesn’t make any sense,” the young woman in robes said, slowly standing straighter on her seat. “There shouldn’t be any enemies with such high levels around these parts. This area of the continent has always been a haven for fresh adventurers. It’s only when folks get strong enough and head north or further into the mainland that tougher threats start to show up.”

“Yeah,” said the ranger. “We would have never expected something so difficult from a dungeon neighboring bloody Ardville of all places. I mean, geez, that place is right next to a talking crab’s shop, for crying out loud! Who would ever think it was anything that dangerous?!”

“Oi! I’m standing right here, you realize that?” the crab said, frowning and placing the back of his pincers on the sides of his carapace.

“All I know is that I’m glad I got out of there in one piece,” said the party leader. “I really thought I was done for, in the middle of that darkness, with the rattling of bones coming from every direction. I swear when the first one popped out it was wearing a party hat.”

The ranger rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly. I told you, you must have been imagining things after being in the dark for so long.”

“I was not!” exclaimed the fighter.

“And you guys didn’t come across any of the other parties that went in after?” Balthazar asked, trying to pull them away from any foolish arguments. “There were plenty more adventurers heading inside all day long. Surely you must have seen them.”

The magic user shook her head, her arm no longer around her torso but a slight expression of pain still on her face.

“We did not. Those halls are enormous. We were lost looking for any doors or corridors for most of our time in there. And with how pitch black it all was, you could have dozens of adventurers wandering around and you’d still not cross paths with anyone.”

The other girl nodded. “We used up pretty much all the torches we bought and it still felt like it did nothing to illuminate the place. It was… eerie.”

“You wanna talk about eerie?” said the burly adventurer. “Eerie was that sound coming from the darkness the whole time. That squeaky noise stalking us around the hall, like some kind of party blower… thingy. I was so sure some kind of evil clown was going to pop out of the shadows at any moment. I hate clowns…”

The ranger glared at the large man as a shiver ran up his spine and facial expression.

“You guys are such children,” she said. “This was a dungeon full of skeletons. What sense would it make for there to be all this party stuff in there? You were just scared and imagining things.”

Balthazar looked around at them with an awkward gaze. Thankfully, none of the adventurers were looking directly at him at the same time.

I could tell them I saw it too, but what use would that be? Not like I’ve got any answers myself, and they might end up thinking I’m crazy too.

“All I know is that I’m dying to get back to town and get into a tub full of hot water for the rest of the day.”

“Not without paying for that cup of water first, pal,” said the merchant, tapping his pincer on the counter.

“But… I… You…” the fighter said, his mouth opening and closing as he fumbled for words.

“If you don’t have any gold, I’ll take trading as usual.”

“We told you, we had to flee that place,” the ranger said. “We got no loot, no money, no nothing.”

“Well…” the party leader said sheepishly. “I might have grabbed something before we ran.”

The girl raised both eyebrows. “You did?”

“Remember that one skeleton that grabbed my boot?”

“How could I not? You screamed like a little girl. Scared me more than anything else today.”

The fighter frowned for a moment but carried on. “Well, anyway, while trying to get it off my ankle, I blindly grabbed at the skeleton. When it finally let go and we ran, I realized I was holding something I’d broken loose from it.”

Balthazar’s antennae perked up. “What was it? A coin purse? Some jewels?”

The adventurer reached into his pocket. “No. These.”

He held out his hands, showing three long bones to the merchant.

“I think they’re maybe femurs?”

The mage peeked over her friend’s shoulder with a cocked eyebrow.

“Don’t be an idiot. Those are too small to be femurs.”

“They’re ribs,” the tank said. “Trust me, I know.”

The others looked at him before exchanging brief glances and then shrugging.

“Will you take these as payment?” the fighter asked the crab.

Balthazar looked up at him and then back down at the bones. They were old, yellowish, and looked brittle.

“What the hell am I supposed to do with these?!” the exasperated merchant finally said, throwing his arms up.

“I don’t know!” the adventurer said. “Aren’t you supposed to be the merchant who can sell anything? I’ve got nothing else to pay you with.”

The wizard girl approached the counter, her march still slow and pained.

“Look, we just want to go home and rest after the nightmare of a day we had. If you really want, we could leave our fearless leader with you to clean up or help out in some other way instead, but that’s up to you.”

The crab took a quick glance up and down at the fighter in the sleeveless vest, and his eyestalks curved inward.

“Hell no!” he said, swiping the bones from the young man’s hands. “Just give me those and get out of here before I change my mind!”

Without needing to be told twice, the group soon left the bazaar, hurrying back up to town as the sun began to set over the plains.

This is going to be a problem. Balthazar thought as he stored the three broken ribs in a small box. If this dungeon is too high-level for the average adventurer around these parts, how are they going to get to the bottom and find me the source of the chocolate?

Standing outside his front door, the crab watched the sun descend in the distance while considering what to do when he spotted two figures coming down from Ardville—Madeleine and Rye.

Ah, here they come. I guess it’s time to call the others and finally have that awkward conversation about how I became a talking crab. But maybe I should leave out the part where I snapped at that adventurer’s ankle. Or the wizard that fell from the sky. Or the necromancer I sold their bodies to.

Balthazar skittered back inside while shaking his shell. “Why did I even let Rye convince me to do this?”

As the merchant went to look for his other friends inside, his eyes glanced at the counter.

“Heh, that muddlehead didn’t even take the cup.”