Immortal Paladin

137 Befriending a Skull?

When I opened my eyes, all I saw was darkness. No light. No warmth. Just that stifling silence that presses down like a tombstone on your chest.

I remained still for a moment, breathing slowly, then cast out my Divine Sense in every direction.

Stone. Dust. Dry veins of mineral ore. “Weird memory doesn’t even begin to describe this.” The air was stale and unmoving. Definitely underground… some ancient cave, maybe? The spiritual energy was faint, sealed, and tinged with that dull metallic hum left by long-forgotten formations.

And then I saw it.

A dim blue glow, flickering like a dying lantern deep within the shadows. I walked toward it. No dramatic teleportation. No techniques. Just the sound of my footsteps echoing through the emptiness. In a place like this, flamboyance was an invitation for trouble.

“Anything can happen in a dream after all…”

It didn’t take long to find the source.

A skeleton, its bones wrapped in lazy wisps of blue flame, was chipping away at the stone wall with a rusted pickaxe. Tap. Chip. Tap. The rhythm was almost meditative.

I narrowed my eyes.

“You,” I said, stepping closer. “Aren’t you that perverted skull from the Black Forest?”

The skeleton didn’t respond right away. He gently set down the pickaxe, stretched his arms with a creak, and turned his flaming sockets toward me. When he spoke, his voice was dry, laced with that all-too-familiar smugness.

“Ah, finally. Took you long enough. Your disciple’s about to have his body stolen by a devil knight, and now you decide to show up? Back in my day, Masters had better timing…”

I crossed my arms. “Explain. What do you mean Lu Gao’s body is being taken over? Start talking, or I’ll turn you to dust.”

He floated back a little, joints rattling as he waved a bony hand at the wall.

“I’m using my soul power to hold the devil at bay. Nasty little bastard decided to trap me in here as a thank-you. I don’t even like caves.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And the pickaxe?”

“That’s all I could manifest with what little power I’ve got left,” he grumbled. “Doesn’t exactly scream ‘legendary undead,’ does it?”

I extended my Divine Sense again… sweeping over the pickaxe, his bones, the soul magic clinging to the air like incense from an old ritual.

“It all checks out,” he said with a smug tilt. “See? I may be cursed, but I’m not a liar.”

I frowned. “Doesn’t mean I like you.”

He chuckled, bones rattling like wind chimes. “It’d be boring if you did.”

With an exaggerated sigh, he dismissed the pickaxe into pale-blue embers and stretched, his joints creaking as if savoring the movement.

“I’ve been stuck here too long,” he muttered. “Could’ve been enjoying myself, maybe spending a few decades with my dear Mistresses of Pain…”

I paused. “The who?”

“Oh, you know. Two charming sisters… one a bloody demoness, the other a righteous cultivator. Same roots as yours. One mastered agony, the other specialized in… more agony. Real artists, both of them.”

Alice and Joan. Of course. They weren’t even blood-related.

I narrowed my eyes. “They still alive?”

“I like to think so,” he said wistfully. “If fate’s kind, maybe they’re running a brothel somewhere. The Promised Dunes had excellent scenery, if memory serves…”

I stared at him, flatly.

“You do realize I could erase you with a flick of my fingers,” I said. “Dust. Void. Gone.”

He raised both hands in mock surrender, grin still firmly etched into his skull. “No doubt, young master. I’ve seen what you can do with those fingers. Quite impressive, the way you moved your disciple’s body back there. Elegant. Precise. Sensual, even…”

“Stop.”

“I’m just saying, it’s an art…”

“I said stop.”

I sighed, more tired of myself than of him. I had intended to destroy him. Undead were unstable, often dangerous. And this one? A known degenerate. Lu Gao had warned me.

But then again...

I’d spared Hei Mao from being exorcised. A ghost stitched together by fate, clinging to life through hatred. And yet, I gave him a path forward. Because sometimes, it wasn’t about what someone was. It was about what they could be.

As for this skull, I’d be glad to get rid of him, but I feared something bad might happen to Lu Gao. I studied the flickering flames in the skull’s eyes.

“Tell me,” I said quietly, “why shouldn’t I exorcise you right now?”

He tilted his head.

“Because if you do, the devil knight will claim your disciple’s body within the hour,” he replied flatly. “Right now, I’m the lock on the door. Break me, and the massacre begins.”

…Fair point.

“Cunning bastard,” I muttered. “How long have you been alive?”

“Oh, I’ve been dead for a long time,” he said, sockets gleaming. “But I’ve lived more than most. Empires rise and fall, lovers swear and betray, saints become tyrants, tyrants become jokes. Very poetic, when you think about it.”

"How old are you?" I asked.

He gave a low hum. “Ever seen the Sapphire Moon split open and rain lightning roses for three nights?”

“No.”

“Ah. Then definitely before your time.” He chuckled. “Let’s just say... I remember when dragons still had to apply for territory rights… and mortals could actually refuse them.”

I wasn’t even from this world, but I kept that to myself. Instead, I studied him and watched the way his soul flames flickered, how his bones bore the fine cracks of time. Beneath the smugness and vulgarity, this skeleton might’ve once been someone formidable.

Not trustworthy. Not safe. But useful.

“Alright,” I said. “You get to live.”

He gasped, hand to chestbone. “You honor me, my lord.”

“Next perverted comment and I’m locking you in a monk temple for spiritual purification.”

“…You drive a hard bargain,” he muttered, floating after me. “But I’m game.”

“Do you know any dreamwalking techniques?” I asked, walking toward the glowing cracks in the cave wall.

He tilted his skull, eye sockets flickering with interest. “Dreamwalking? Haven’t heard that term in a few dozen decades. Planning to slip into a lover’s dreams and whisper sweet nothings?”

I didn’t answer his bait. “I need to reach the devil possessing Lu Gao without damaging his body. It’s hiding… probably behind soul traps or illusion veils. Like the Heavenly Demon did when I fought his fragment in Gu Jie.”

That memory still lingered. The Heavenly Demon hadn’t dared face me directly… not once I began bearing Gu Jie’s misfortune in his place. Once I took it on, the demon’s chances of resurrection crumbled.

“The Heavenly Demon, eh?” the skull murmured. “Now that’s a spicy name. You fought her?”

Her? Must’ve been a different incarnation. Just how far back did this relic's memory stretch?

“Sort of,” I said. “He was possessing Gu Jie. I used a principle from a Buddhist technique, redirected her misfortune into myself, then manifested inside her and punched him in the face.”

“…You’re insane,” he said, oddly respectful. “I wish someone will take away my misfortune too, y’ know? Do you wanna get inside me? And bear my misfortune?”

“No, thank you.”

“Okay, let’s cut a deal,” He floated closer, firelight dancing across the cracked walls. “But first? What’s in it for me?”

I raised a brow. “A painless exorcism?”

“No deal.” He didn’t even hesitate.

“What do you want then?”

He sighed, bones rattling faintly. “Lu Gao’s cultivation method… it touches something strange. A different face of the Great Path. I want to study it.”

“No.”

“Killjoy.”

I looked past him, toward the glowing wall where faint soul glyphs pulsed… subtle and suppressive. Familiar patterns. I’d seen them before in the Grand Ascension Library’s forbidden wing. Breaking through them without harming Lu Gao would be delicate work. And I needed this degenerate undead’s help, whether I liked it or not.

So I made an offer.

“How about this?” I said. “You get inside me.”

He floated back half a meter. “Kid, I’m flattered… but I don’t swing that way.”

I gave him a flat look. “I meant spiritually, you ancient pervert.”

“Just clarifying.”

“I’ll inherit Lu Gao’s contract with you. I know it’s possible, so don’t bother. You get a clean link. Possess me… if you’re capable. Hell, I don’t mind you trying to steal my body. I won’t even be angry, but I will feel sad though.”

His sockets pulsed faintly. “Contract? What contract?”

“Don’t play dumb. Lu Gao told me everything. Including the fact that you're not native to this world. Which makes your act all the more suspicious.”

He went quiet. Then a faint rattle passed through him, like dry reeds in a breeze. “So he remembered. Huh. Thought he’d forgotten… or misunderstood.”

“So it does exist?”

“Well… in a loose sense. I gave him a fragment of my spiritual brand to stabilize his cultivation. That’s what the devil is trying to corrupt now. Technically, that counts as a contract. But I didn’t exactly engrave it in gold on spirit jade.”

“Good enough for me,” I said. “So. Do we have a deal?”

He stared at me. The fire in his eyes flickered, narrowed.

“You’re not like most cultivators I’ve met,” he said. “And not much like other Outsiders either.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You shouldn’t,” he muttered. Then added, “But fine. I’ll guide you. Just don’t complain if the devil inside starts gnawing on your soul.”

I smiled faintly. “If I die, I’m haunting you first.”

He laughed. “Deal.”

“Chances are,” I added. “ I won’t die.”

Jokes aside, there was something I wasn’t going to let slide. Not anymore.

“Once this is over, we’re going to talk about your nature as an Outsider,” I said, arms folded, eyes sharp. “You can keep playing the fool, but we will have that conversation… whether you like it or not.”

The skull gave an exaggerated shrug, bones rattling like a worn-out charm rattle. “It’s nothing special,” he replied… then, impossibly, made a fart noise to make me uncomfortable or maybe as a joke.

“Seriously? A fart?”

I don’t know how. He didn’t even have lips.

I closed my eyes and took a long breath through my nose. This was going to be terrible for my spiritual well-being.

Allowing the soul of a flaming, ancient, degenerate skull to live in my head seemed… reckless. But if we were being honest? It wasn’t even the top five craziest things I’d done since arriving in this world.

Let’s break it down.

For Jue Bu to take over my body, he’d have to overpower me… and also that thing curled up inside my head like a bored god, the same thing that brought me here in the first place. Not to mention...

David_69.

Yes, that David_69. My Holy Spirit. My inexplicable patron deity-like game character with a name that would offend both monks and mortals. It would be a burden to him, but I trust in his capabilities.

Even I didn’t mess with him unless I had to. And I was pretty sure that quite soon, he’d evolve into something that could even contend with Shenyuan or even stronger.

Of course, I wasn’t about to tell the skull any of that.

I tilted my head slightly. “Before we make anything official, let’s start with proper introductions.”

“Formality?” he scoffed. “With the undead? I’m honored.”

“It’s called manners. You don’t just move into someone’s soul without a handshake.”

The flames in his sockets danced. “Fine, fine. Let’s be boring about it.”

I straightened. “Da Wei,” I said. “Former elementary school teacher. Current cultivator. Collector of problems.”

He drifted in a slow circle, as though sizing me up one last time. Then, with a theatrical bow of his skull, he spoke.

“Jue Bu,” he said. “Once known as the Flame of Ten Thousand Tombs. Now better known as ‘Hey, you horny skull!’ or ‘Stop chewing that, you pervert!’ But Jue Bu will do. Quick question though… what’s an elementary school teacher?”

A place where you’d immediately get arrested, I am sure.

“Someone very tired,” I said. “And I don’t feel like explaining.”

“Boring. But you’ll fall for me eventually.”

“Unlikely.”

I extended my Divine Sense… not a blast, just a thin thread, tinged with intent. An agreement, unspoken. A handshake of the soul.

The skull responded without hesitation. One flicker of soul flame brushed against mine. It was like incense smoke and bone dust, touched by madness and memory.

In that moment, the pact was sealed.

I’d probably regret it later.

But for now?

I had a disciple to save.

And a technique to learn.

"So," Jue Bu began, his voice lilting with mischief, "what do you think of cross-dressing? You… look pretty enough, you know."

Of course that would be his opening line after sealing a soul pact.

This skull desperately needed reeducation.

I stared him in his hollow sockets, the blue flames flickering a bit. “Don’t get distracted, Jue Bu. If you test me again, I will resurrect you. Just to castrate you. Then I’ll sell you to a brothel as a half-dead eunuch, and make sure you serve the Imperial Phoenix Guard, the prettiest bunch of battle maniacs this side of the Hollowed World.”

He gave a rattling chuckle, clearly unbothered. “Hahaha~ Surely you jest. You’re not that cruel. I think a skirt would suit you… maybe something frilly…”

I didn’t even let him finish.

“And after that," I snapped, "I’ll find the ugliest beggar in the city—no teeth, six boils, a limp in both legs… and I’ll give him a sack of gold to make his dreams come true. His job? Bending you over in the alley behind the spirit herb market.”

Silence.

For once, blessed silence.

“I’m a gamer,” I added, voice calm now, almost conversational. “I come from a world where I’ve seen things that would curdle your marrow som in fiction, some in reality. You think I won’t break character? You think I won’t go full unhinged? Try me.”

More silence.

Then: “…You know, you might be the first cultivator I’m actually afraid of.”

“Good. Keep that fear. Feed it.”

He hovered meekly behind me, for once without a single perverted quip.

I sighed and finally turned toward the soul warded wall. Glyphs pulsed faintly beneath the surface, like heartbeats made of light. Suppression runes… defensive sigils… even some fear-based curses laced into the stonework. They weren’t meant to keep things out. They were meant to keep something trapped in.

Lu Gao’s soul. Still buried in there somewhere, caught in a struggle I couldn’t yet see.

“You ready?” I asked without looking back.

The skull floated closer, more serious now. “Dreamwalking techniques aren’t like normal spells,” he said. “You’re not just projecting into a dream. You’re inserting your will into another person’s inner world. If their soul isn’t stable, or if something else is in there with claws already sunk in…”

“It’ll get ugly,” I finished. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

“Your funeral,” he muttered.

I knelt, pressed my palm to the wall. Cold energy flowed from the stone like breath from a frozen beast. My Divine Sense flared… just enough to test the resonance, to feel for the fractures in Lu Gao’s spiritual core.

There. A ripple.

And behind it, something old and angry, curled around Lu Gao’s spirit like a serpent. The devil.

I focused, breathing slowly. Gathering essence through my Road of Mana, letting my soul flow like ink into water. My spiritual body slumped backward… not unconscious, just... spent. My soul stepped forward.

Jue Bu’s voice echoed in the ether as I slipped past the wall. “Don’t die too fast. I was just starting to like you.”

“Shut up,” I muttered.

Then the dream took me away from the mental world.