Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Fred and George certainly had a knack for lightening people's wallets. By the time Harry left the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, he had only a few Galleons left in his pocket. He doubted he would have parted with even those if it hadn't been for the school-related expenses he needed to cover.

What made him spend so freely were the fascinating joke items and the Defense Against the Dark Arts tools, each of which seemed remarkably practical. Besides, after being cooped up for more than a month, Harry found himself indulging in an unplanned shopping spree. Before he realized it, his money pouch was empty, and the jingling Galleons had been traded for an assortment of magical trinkets. He didn’t mind, though—Harry felt quite pleased with his purchases.

During the final week of the holidays, Harry and Ron spent their days experimenting with the gadgets they had bought. One mishap occurred when Hermione, distracted and unaware, mistook a joke-shop cup for a teacup. The result? Her teeth turned a vivid shade of blue.

Hermione’s slightly prominent front teeth stood out even more in this colorful state, which left her furious. She refused to speak to Harry for several days. Only after Fred and George returned with a potion to restore her teeth's normal color—and Harry swore repeatedly that leaving the cup on the table had been an accident—did Hermione begrudgingly forgive him. However, she made her displeasure clear by refusing to help them with their homework.

“You’d better hurry,” Kyle remarked with a grin as he watched Harry and Ron scribbling furiously at their assignments near the end of August. “School starts tomorrow. If you don’t finish tonight, you won’t be getting any sleep tomorrow night.”

Harry and Ron didn’t reply; they didn’t have time for anything beyond their mounting pile of homework. Who would have guessed that after two whole months, they still hadn’t completed it all?

“Don’t look so smug. Everyone’s had to cram their homework at Hogwarts a few times,” Charlie chimed in, recalling his own days of last-minute studying. “But Kyle,” he added with a curious glance, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do any homework. Did you finish it before you got here?”

“No,” Kyle replied coolly. “I didn’t do any of it.”

Harry and Ron paused mid-sentence, glancing up simultaneously before shifting over to make space for Kyle.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” Kyle said, waving them off casually. “I don’t have to do my homework. I’ve been busy with Ministry of Magic work, so the Professors gave me special permission.”

“You don’t have to do your homework?” Ron’s envy was palpable, his eyes narrowing with frustration.

No one had ever told him that working with the Ministry of Magic came with such perks. If he’d known, he would have applied in a heartbeat.

...

The next morning, Harry and Ron stumbled into the car, dark circles under their eyes from their late-night cram session. They dozed off almost immediately, only to be shaken awake by Sirius when the car pulled up in front of King’s Cross Station.

“Hurry up,” Sirius urged, his tone serious. “There are too many people here. We need to get through the barrier as quickly as possible.”

Sirius and Mr. Weasley flanked the group, their expressions tense, as if Death Eaters were lurking in every corner of the station.

Despite their concerns, the journey was uneventful. They passed through the barrier to Platform 9¾ without any trouble. As usual, the platform was crowded, and the scarlet Hogwarts Express sat steaming majestically, its plume of smoke curling over the bustling crowd.

A moment later, Kyle, Cedric, Fred, and George arrived, weaving through the throng.

“I really miss this,” Cedric said with a wistful look at the train. “Too bad I didn’t bring any luggage this time.”

“Only an idiot like you would want to go back to school,” Fred scoffed, glancing at the train. “The best part now is no classes, no homework.”

“It’d be even better if we could avoid the Ministry of Magic,” George muttered darkly.

The twins had planned to resign from their Ministry posts by the end of August to focus on their joke shop. However, they were still tied to their jobs, supposedly because no one else could take over their roles. Still, they hadn’t fought too hard to leave, likely owing to Kyle’s influence.

Cho Chang arrived moments later, stepping through the barrier with her usual grace. As soon as Cedric spotted her, he left Kyle and the others without a second thought, his face lighting up with a goofy grin.

“Cho, long time no see! How was your holiday?” he asked eagerly.

Fred rolled his eyes, his tone dripping with mockery. “Look at that ridiculous expression. Anyone watching him would think he’s trying to untangle a tongue twister.”

“Sometimes, I really want to shove a handful of sour candies in his mouth,” George muttered, grimacing.

“Oh, and you’re no better,” he added, turning to Kyle. “I bet you’re waiting for Kanna, aren’t you?”

“If you already know, why bother asking?” Kyle replied, raising an eyebrow, his nonchalance only fueling the twins’ exasperation.

“Listen,” Fred said, slinging an arm around Kyle’s shoulders with an air of mock menace, “this Christmas, you’re getting a crate of sour-tasting exploding sweets.”

“And you think I’d eat anything you give me?” Kyle shot back with a look of disdain.

“Then we’ll just come to Hogwarts...”

“...and shove them down your throat,” George finished.

“I’ll be waiting,” Kyle said, unfazed. “Just don’t chicken out.”

Another ten minutes passed, but Kanna didn’t show. Fred and George exchanged smug, gloating looks.

Behind them, the train’s whistle blew, signaling its imminent departure. Most of the students had already boarded, and the doors were beginning to close.

“You’ve got three minutes,” Cedric said, checking his watch. “Maybe she’s already on the train. Don’t forget, Kanna usually gets here early.”

“You’re right,” Kyle nodded, quickly climbing aboard.

“Come back for Christmas!” Fred called through the window.

“If anything interesting happens at school, write and tell us,” George added.

“And don’t break any school rules!”

The train gave a loud puff of smoke and began to pull away. Kyle waved at the twins before turning and heading toward the Prefects’ compartment.

Inside, he spotted Malfoy. Just like in Diagon Alley, Malfoy avoided eye contact and quickly slipped away to another compartment. Kyle, unbothered, continued his search.

He paced the Prefects’ compartment but found no sign of Kanna. Hoping for a lead, he approached Cho, but she shook her head.

“No, I haven’t seen her either,” Cho said apologetically.

“Don't worry,” Cho said. “Maybe Kanna just didn’t take the train but went to school with Professor Snape instead.”

“Maybe,” Kyle replied casually.

Although Cho's suggestion wasn’t without merit, Kyle had a persistent feeling that Snape wouldn’t have brought Kanna to school this year.

With this thought in mind, Kyle scanned the other carriages once more but found nothing. Finally, he opened the door to the last carriage, where Luna, Ginny, and Neville were seated.

“Long time no see, Kyle,” Neville greeted, holding his toad.

“Long time no see.”

Instead of returning to the Prefects' compartment, Kyle stepped inside and sat down in an empty seat.

“Do you mind?” he asked.

“Of course not,” Neville said quickly. “In fact, five minutes ago, my grandmother told me I should spend more time with you.”

“What?”

“Oh, she probably just wants me to learn from you,” Neville said. “She reads the newspapers and says the Ministry couldn’t have come up with such a reliable decision, nor would they solve the Dementor problem so quickly."

"It must have been your idea. She’s been praising you for two months and says she’d trade anything to have you as her grandson.”

“You’re not that bad, Neville,” Kyle said absentmindedly. “Oh, by the way, remember to thank Mrs. Longbottom for me.”

“Thanks,” Neville said sheepishly. “I will.”

Since Kyle’s thoughts weren’t entirely on the conversation, the atmosphere in the compartment felt a little subdued.

“Kyle, you’re being harassed by Wrackspurts,” said Luna suddenly, glancing up from The Quibbler and peering at Kyle through her large, colorful glasses.

“Harassed... what?” Neville blinked, clearly confused.

“Wrackspurts... They’re invisible creatures that mess with your head,” Luna explained. “I thought I felt one buzzing around here a minute ago.”

She clapped her hands at the air, as if swatting at an invisible insect.

Neville looked even more baffled. He instinctively shifted closer to the window, while Ginny, sitting beside him, merely sighed. Accustomed to Luna’s peculiarities, she chose to ignore her actions.

“Ah, I do have something on my mind,” Kyle admitted, gazing out the window.

“Do you need any help?” Luna asked, waving her hand again near Kyle’s head.

“Thanks, that’s better,” Kyle said with a faint smile.

After sitting there for a while, Kyle decided to leave the compartment, but before he could step outside, Harry appeared at the door.

“Neville, have you seen... Oh, Kyle, there you are,” Harry said, clearly surprised.

“Hm,” Kyle murmured, stepping aside to let Harry enter.

“No need,” Harry said, producing two rolls of parchment tied with purple ribbons.

“What is it?”

“An invitation,” Harry replied, handing over one of the rolls. “A third-year girl delivered it but couldn’t find you, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

“Neville, this one’s for you,” Harry added, passing him the other roll.

Unrolling the parchment, Kyle saw a short message written inside:

Kyle,

I would very much like you to join me for lunch in compartment C.

Yours sincerely,

Professor H.E.F. Slughorn

...

“Remember?” said Harry. “This is the man Dumbledore took us to visit on the train.”

“That’s unusual... I mean, not many professors travel to school by train, except Lupin before... but this Professor Slughorn doesn’t look like he’s short of money, does he?”

“Lupin would be sad to hear that,” Kyle remarked.

Harry felt a little embarrassed. It was true, though—Lupin had been the only professor in recent memory to take the train, and that was largely because of his financial situation.

“Are you going?” Harry asked.

Kyle hesitated. He wasn’t particularly inclined to attend, but Slughorn was a Professor, and ignoring an invitation from him might be seen as disrespectful. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead.

If I’d known Kanna wasn’t on the train, I could’ve just Apparated to Hogsmeade, he thought.

“Never mind, let’s just kill some time,” Kyle said as he stepped out of the compartment.

Neville got up to follow him. “Who’s Slughorn?” he asked.

“The new teacher,” Harry explained. “He used to teach at Hogwarts but retired, and now he’s come back.”

The aisle was bustling with students, many waiting to be served by the trolley witch. It wasn’t until they reached compartment C that Harry realized Slughorn had invited more than just the three of them.

Compartment C, located next to the Prefects’ carriage, was reserved for instructors and was unusually spacious—nearly three times the size of a standard carriage. At the moment, it was packed with people.

“Harry, Kyle!” Slughorn exclaimed, leaping to his feet as they entered.

It was clear he’d made an effort to look his best; his large silver beard was neatly trimmed and gleamed in the sunlight, much like the gold buttons on his waistcoat.

“What a huge surprise that you’ve both come together! And this must be Mr. Neville Longbottom. Hello!”

Neville nodded stiffly, still unsure of the situation. He glanced at Kyle, then followed his lead by sitting in the nearest empty seat.

The atmosphere shifted slightly as Kyle entered. Some of the Slytherin students in the compartment began acting oddly. They kept their heads low, whispering to each other, but as soon as Kyle glanced their way, they stopped and pretended nothing was amiss.

This behavior wasn’t new to Kyle. Ever since he’d given Montague a memorable “lesson” last year, most Slytherins preferred to steer clear of him. The fact that Kyle had caused quite a bit of trouble for several of their parents over the summer only added to their unease.

“Everyone’s here,” Slughorn announced cheerfully. “Let me introduce you. This is Blaise Zabini.”

He gestured toward a boy nearby. “Harry, you know him, I’m sure. You’re in the same year.”

Neither Harry nor Zabini acknowledged the comment. The animosity between Gryffindor and Slytherin was palpable, and silence was about as close to civility as the two houses could manage.

Slughorn, unfazed, continued.

“This is Cormac McLaggen. Kyle, he’s in the same year as you.”

“Kyle, nice to meet you here,” McLaggen said formally, extending his hand.

Kyle nodded politely.

“And this is Marcus Belby, also in the seventh year...”

Unlike the tension between Gryffindor and Slytherin, interactions with Hufflepuffs were far more amicable. As Slughorn introduced Kyle to the others, the reception was notably warm, with everyone welcoming him openly.

“Well, that was pleasant…” said Slughorn contentedly after the string of tedious introductions. “An opportunity to get to know you all a little better. Everyone take a napkin and try some of this.”

With a wave of his wand, a platter of pheasant appeared in front of everyone.

The Long-Tailed Pheasant, a rare creature native to the Appalachian Mountains, was not particularly remarkable except for its incredible speed. However, its meat was considered a delicacy.

Kyle wasn’t surprised that Slughorn had managed to procure such a rare dish, but he doubted it was prepared by a house-elf. This was something Slughorn had likely cooked himself.

How would I describe the taste... Kyle mused. It was like skipping a flat stone across water—smooth, but utterly devoid of impact. Slughorn should apologize to the Long-Tailed Pheasant.

While the others sampled the meal, Slughorn began peppering the group with questions.

“Marcus, have you seen your uncle Damocles recently? I had the pleasure of teaching him.”

“Cormac, I happen to know you see your uncle Tiberius quite often. He’s mentioned you to me before...”

“Zabini, how’s your mother? It’s been two years since we last met, but I can still taste the orange pie she made.”

Although it was framed as a casual chat, Slughorn’s tone felt more like an interrogation, putting everyone on edge.

Kyle noticed that when Belby accidentally let slip that he and his uncle weren’t on good terms, Slughorn’s interest in him vanished almost immediately. In fact, when it came time to serve pie, Slughorn deliberately skipped him.

Far from looking offended, Belby seemed relieved. Catching Kyle’s eye, he winked and gave a subtle expression of relief.

“Did you notice?” Harry whispered to Kyle. “This Slughorn always brings up someone’s relatives.”

“You’re wrong,” Kyle murmured, shaking his head slightly. “It’s because of those relatives that they were invited in the first place.”

“That’s not…” Harry began but stopped short of saying the word snob.

“It’s exactly as you think,” Kyle said calmly.

Harry glanced at Slughorn, who was now handing out Butterbeer. His opinion of the professor dropped further. While he didn’t show his displeasure outwardly, Harry quietly wished for the lunch to end. He’d rather spend time with Ron or catch up on homework than sit through this ordeal.

Neville, too, looked uncomfortable. Slughorn’s repeated mentions of his parents seemed to make him feel like he was walking on eggshells.

“Now…”

Twenty minutes later, Slughorn stood and said in a solemn tone, “Let me introduce you to two other people.”

“Harry Potter,” he began, gesturing toward Harry. “The boy some now call the ‘Chosen One.’ Yes, that title has followed him since that terrible night over ten years ago… Some say he must possess extraordinary powers…”

A faint snort echoed from the compartment.

Harry felt as though he’d been slapped, his face flushing crimson. Fortunately, Slughorn quickly moved on.

“And Kyle…” Slughorn said, placing the largest piece of pudding in front of him.

“Your father and I were good friends. When I taught him, I already predicted he would go on to achieve great things—and I was right. He became the youngest Director of the Ministry of Magic."

“But what I didn’t foresee was that his son would surpass him in every way.”

“Thank you for your praise, Professor,” Kyle replied evenly.

Inwardly, he longed for nothing more than to Apparate straight to Hogsmeade and be done with it.