Divinity Detox: Gods Gone Viral

[Private Group Chat: "Pantheon Problems"—32 Unread Messages]

Loki: LMAO did y’all see the news? Zeus got fired.

Zeus: I WAS NOT FIRED. I WAS LET GO. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

Anubis: You threw a lightning bolt at your producer.

Zeus: It was a light drizzle.

Loki: Bro, you literally caused a blackout in half of New York.

Tommy (Thor): I do not have time for this. Some mortal tagged me in a #ThorVsTreadmills meme again.

Amaterasu: Wait, what happened?

Tommy (Thor): I sneezed during a deadlift PR, accidentally summoned lightning, and fried all the gym’s machines.

Loki: [Attaches viral video titled "THUNDER THIGHS VS. TECHNOLOGY"]

Tommy (Thor): DELETE THIS.

Kara (Kali): Anyone want to babysit? Ravi just opened a portal in my backyard again.

Anubis: Pass.

Loki: Hard no.

Zeus: NOT MY DOMAIN.

Kara (Kali): You’re all useless.

Prometheus: [Joined the chat.]

Prometheus: Why fight it? The world has moved on.

Loki: Oh, here we go.

Prometheus: The age of gods is over. That’s why I built God 2.0. No more struggling for scraps of faith. No more fading into irrelevance. Now, anyone can be divine.

Tommy (Thor): This sounds like a scam.

Anubis: [Attaches link: "Prometheus' Cult is Running an MLM??"]

Prometheus: Gods. Mortals. It won’t matter soon. Upgrade or be deleted.

Kara (Kali): Prometheus, if you come near my kid, I will personally introduce you to reincarnation.

Loki: Soooo this is bad, right?

Tommy (Thor): Yes.

Anubis: Absolutely.

Zeus: THE WORST.

Loki: Cool cool cool. So what’s the plan?

Kara (Kali): We stop him.

Tommy (Thor): We break whatever this God 2.0 thing is.

Anubis: We expose him.

Loki: We steal his source code.

Zeus: I SMITE.

Everyone: NO.

Zeus has been muted.

Prometheus: [Leaves chat.]

Loki: Oh yeah, he’s 100% planning world domination.

Tommy (Thor): Guess that means we’re at war.

Kara (Kali): Great. Right after I just got Ravi to take a nap.

[End of Chat.]