A man Drowned in Hatred

— "Where am I?"

Shinji, troubled, woke up lying in a narrow and dark alley, only partially lit by rays of sunlight.

The cold and darkness reigning there made him feel an anguish he couldn’t explain, an anguish he had already felt before.

This alley held nothing unusual to his eyes; it even felt eerily familiar.

The pain he had felt during his final moments no longer affected him, and he had regained his hearing and sight. The blood that had covered him and its smell had also dissipated.

He could speak again and seemed to bear no scars from the gunshots.

— "Am I in the world of the dead?"

Shinji remembered his death, but as for the circumstances of it or the life he had led, he seemed to retain no memory.

This lack of memories seemed strange to him. He knew well that he had died, but despite his efforts to remember how, he couldn’t.

Despite this, he decided not to dwell on it too much. For him, this must surely be a rule of the world of the dead.

After all, Shinji had never really been interested in religions. His parents’ death had pushed him to see only evil around him.

Raising his eyes to the sun, a tear began to flow down his face.

— "What is happening to me?"

This tear made no sense in his eyes. After all, he was finally going to reunite with his parents.

He heard at the end of the street the sound of peddlers shouting prices.

— "How can there be a market in the world of the dead?"

This noise, just like the alley, seemed familiar to him.

From the corner of his eye, he saw a cat that seemed hungry. It had soft white fur.

— "Hey, you remind me of my cat. But you can’t be Neko."

No sooner had he uttered these words than he noticed a flaw in his own logic.

How could he remember his cat if the world of the dead had made him forget the life he had lived?

After a moment of reflection, he realized he remembered practically nothing after his parents’ death.

— "Mom, Dad?"

These words, like a remnant of his past, were all that came back to him from his final moments.

So many questions tormented his mind.

— "If I could remember these words, could I remember my life? How will I find my parents in this whole world? Could my parents have forgotten me?"

He quickly understood he wouldn’t get answers to his questions by staying in this alley. He finally decided to go explore this world.

— "Neko, wait for me here. I’ll bring you something to eat."

Though he wouldn’t admit it to himself, Shinji had made this promise to gain favor from a possible diety ruling this world.

If this hungry cat could be a sign from her to allow him to find his parents, he wouldn’t dare miss this opportunity.

After all, though he believed neither in hell nor paradise, the very existence of this world contradicted his beliefs of absolute nothingness after death.

The market didn't make sense to him, he chalked it up to ignorance.

To his right stood a butcher. This must surely be a sign from the divinity making his task easier.

— "Well, maybe I should explore a bit first."

No sooner had he turned his head than he noticed an aura of terror reigning on the other side of the alleyway.

The faces there showed no sympathy toward others.

Now closer, he understood where the shouts he’d heard in the alley came from: a slave auction was taking place.

He refused to accept this.

— "How can such a crime against humanity be allowed?"

Shinji was enraged at the idea that even after death, such immoral acts continued to exist.

— "Did I land in hell?"

For Shinji, this was the only explanation that could justify why in this world, such immoral acts weren’t just ancient history.

Seeing his anger wouldn’t subside, he decided to return to the alley—though he felt an unexplained anguish there—because it seemed the only place in this world he didn’t hate.

Upon returning, he found a frightened girl.

— "What are you doing in this dark alley, young girl?"

— "Sir, save me! I don’t want to lose my freedom again!"

At that moment, three men appeared behind him. The one who seemed to be their leader grew annoyed at Shinji’s presence.

— "Move aside!"

Shinji still had the image of the bidders’ faces etched in his mind. He couldn’t let this girl end up in their hands.

— "I can’t let you take her. Listen to what I have to say, I beg you!"

— "You’ve chosen death, then!"

— "Please, I’m ready to do whatever you want. Leave this girl in peace!"

— "Looking at your clothes, you’d only make a fool of yourself before the other bidders."

Though Shinji wanted to prove them wrong, it was impossible.

He had nothing on him, and his clothes, dirtied when he’d been lying down, only worsened his case.

— "Well, if you understand the situation, I advise you to let us do our job!"

Shinji knew that three against one, he had no hope of escaping with the girl.

He saw the crying girl violently taken by the three men, powerless to do anything.

The cat from earlier was still at the back of the alley.

— "Neko, you’re still here? You must think I’m a coward, don’t you?"

Only then did he think about the death threat he’d just received.

— "What...? What did he mean by 'die'? Was he bluffing?"

Shinji no longer understood anything. He considered the possibility he’d misheard under pressure, but knew his hearing hadn’t deceived him.

He also pondered the slim chance that the divinity was testing him, but knew this was ridiculous.

— "I’m truly just a hypocrite."

He who believed in no religion now assumed the existence of a divinity giving meaning to this world he’d landed in.

Despite no longer believing, he decided to keep following this sign—Shinji’s only reason for living now.

He used what little will remained to head toward the butcher.

His eyes stayed fixed on the ground. He didn’t want to risk witnessing more atrocities.

Though he’d regained his sight, he refused to use it to see this world he considered worse than hell.

Eyes glued downward, he advanced without noticing his surroundings and ended up bumping into someone.

— "Watch where you’re going!"

— "I’m sorry, spare me, please!"

— "If you’re not here to buy, get lost!"

He realized he’d collided with the meat vendor.

— "I’m here to buy some pieces of meat."

— "Do you have the money?"

— "I have nothing on me, as you can see."

— "You want to die, don’t you?"

— "No, listen to me, I’m ready to work as long as needed."

— "As long as needed, huh?"

He understood the vendor had ill intentions, but had no choice.

— "Yes, please, I have nothing left to lose."

— "Fine, you’ll work for the next two weeks and I’ll give you a piece of meat."

— "But by then, Neko might be gone!"

— "What nonsense are you spouting? Lost your mind?"

— "Forgive me, I accept your offer..."

He accepted, though he knew he couldn’t risk losing the cat—his only hope in this world of terror.

Seizing a moment of inattention, he stole some pieces of meat.

— "You traitor, come back here!"

The vendor set his rabid dogs after him. Shinji ran as fast as he could back to the alley.

Arriving there, the cat was gone. He knew it was absurd—basing his hopes on a cat only proved he’d lost all logic.

Escape was no longer an option. The pack of dogs blocked the exit. All he could do was retreat deeper into the alley to delay the inevitable.

In that moment, Shinji knew only death awaited him.